Telling the secret

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Telling the secret
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 2:49pm
I have been sitting here all day trying to write, but couldn't seem to put my feelings into words. My T believes it would be in my best interest to speak to my siblings about my dad. This terrifies me! I have 3 sisters and one brother. I am the youngest, and can't remember my 2 oldest sisters and my brother living in the same house as me. I have alot of gaps in my memory of my childhood, and that bothers me alot. Anyway, I do not know if the things that happened to me, happened to any of my sisters. I suspect it may have by some of their behavior as teenagers and adults, but I don't know for sure. I am very close to my brother and my youngest sister, but I can not imagine telling them what happened. My dad passed away 3 years ago, and my mom last year. I had always told myself that once they were gone, maybe I could talk to my siblings, but now that the time is here, I am terrified! What will they think of me? How will they treat me after they know? I don't want them to not believe me. That is my greatest fear I think. My dad was always the life of the party, and everyone loved him. I am afraid they will think that he was not capable of doing what I say he did. Is it that important for my recovery to tell? I know that keeping the secret is damaging, but I am so scared. I don't want anything to happen to the relationship I have with my brother especially. He is so dear to me and fills alot of voids in my life. I don't want to be judged!!!!!! I just want to forget the whole thing and move on. I don't want to tell!

I realized I put this in the wrong folder. SORRY!!

Edited 3/25/2003 3:53:15 PM ET by trybar

Edited 3/25/2003 3:57:06 PM ET by trybar

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:19pm
I wish I had some magic advice, or better yet a magic wand or crystal ball to help you. But I just wanted to say that I've been where you are, and it's a tough spot. I finally got to the point where worrying about what people would say or do got to be worse than what they might actually say or do, so I just did the confrontation. Of course, my situation was completely different, because I was confronting my parents who are still alive. And my sister and I figured this all out together. I guess the thing to remember is that it doesn't ultimately matter who believes you and who doesn't. Your healing is still possible, no matter what other people say and do. I know that's much easier said than done. But know that we're here to support you throughout the whole thing & beyond.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 9:40am
I held in my abuse from my brother for 17yrs. I finally told my parents(even though they suspected it when I was little). I confronted my brother he said I was lying and now my sister is on his side. Thank god my parent are on my side. We havent spoke to them in 5yrs. I would tell your siblings. Prepare yourself!! They could say your crazy,dreaming it up,or lying. If they cant accept it at least u stood up for yourself. Laura