A Question For All

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
A Question For All
18
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 10:42pm
Fill in the blanks:

Sex is _________________________________.


Sex is like ___________________________________________.

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Avatar for hummingbirdwings
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 10:52pm
Sex is: getting better. I am no longer in bed every night wondering when or if I have to have sex. Since my separation from my H, I am able to work on my sexuality without fear, shame, guilt, or any other emotion that comes from having to read someone else's desire.

Sex is like: a gift to myself and I choose when, where, and how.

Liberation is great!

HBW

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 11:00pm


Sex is something I don't enjoy very much and would rather avoid.

Sex is like a chore; I do it to keep my husband satisfied.

Am I weird? I really don't get much pleasure out of the act itself. I am in a loving, committed marriage and my husband finds me attractive. He doesn't force himself on me, but I find myself calculating how long it's been and doing it often enough to satisfy him. I'm glad when I'm on my period.

Avatar for ateachersangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 11:37pm


Sex is DISGUSTING, weird, embarrassing, nasty, gross, horrible, painful.

Sex is like being punished.

(Sorry, I know my views aren't normal- but they are true for me.)

Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 11:55pm
Sex is a choice

Sex (for me) is a celebration of bodies in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 1:28am
Sex is more trouble than it's worth.

Sex is like Christmas with my family-the big build up, the torture of getting through it, the let down when it's over.

Precia

Precia

            Cl-Families and Mental Illness

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 2:06am
Sex is missing from my life right now!!! And I miss it! A LOT! :o} (Dh is half a world away. *sigh*)

Sex is like . . . it depends. When it's good and I feel good, it's like connecting with my dh's soul. It's our life together and our history together all intensified in this moment, and it's about taking care of each other and it's about something that's just between us that makes me feel like it's us against the world. Like a really good secret between best friends.

But it has also been less than this for me, at times. Sometimes it has been scary. Sometimes it has felt like walking on thin ice. I don't want to do it because I know that it's likely I'll fall through and be immersed in unpleasant memories. It hasn't been like that too often, though. Fortunately for me, I always had an attitude with my parents as a teen that my sexuality was MY BUSINESS. I was the perfect kid in all other respects--grades, chores, etc . . . but when I became sexually active, I felt like it was my business and my parents had NO RIGHT to even ask my about it. It was weird, because I didn't feel like that about anything else. So, whichever inner child was responsible for that--GOOD JOB! I'd be happy to loan her out to any of you who might need that kind of help. (((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 2:08am
Actually, I think your views are normal for someone who has been through what you've been through. This is what you were taught, right? But it doesn't have to be that way forever. I think it's possible to unlearn the wrong-headed lessons we were taught. (((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 7:49am
Sex is stupid! Sex is evil. Sex is selfish.

Sex is like a chore.

When I read or hear someone say that sex is our right or that sex is the ultimate intimate communication I think the person is on drugs. In my opinion, sex is too selfish for two people to truly "meld souls" or whatever they say they're doing.

I have a horrible attitude toward sex and I know this. The best I can hope for is to learn how to enjoy it for me. Again, a selfish hope. I'm almost to the point of just ditching the whole idea and going back to staying alone. Sex disgusts me so much that I just don't want to bother with it now...if ever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:39am
A question for you to think about--do you think it might help if you changed the word "selfish" to self-interested? No one wants to be selfish, but I don't see anything wrong with being self-interested in sex. Being selfish in sex would mean that I didn't care about the other person's needs, and that isn't true. But being self-interested means that my needs are equally important as the other person's.

Feeling selfish is a big problem for me in other areas. I don't call people on the phone because I don't want to bother them. I don't ask people for help because I don't want to be selfish. I can do it all myself. (Even when I can't! I'll kill myself trying!) I volunteer at my kids' school because I feel like I have to be a work horse in order to have any kind of value, but then I resent being a work horse. I'm overly generous with my possessions and time. All of this is about me not feeling worth it, whatever "it" is.. But if I start to feel like I'm worth it, then I lose the guilt I feel about "taking" anything. And for me, that's when I start feeling like a normal person in the world with other normal people. I don't know if this makes any sense at all to you, but it's an area I've been working on, and I like the results.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 12:13pm
I like what you said about being "self-interested." That made some sense. But you lost me on your analogy to what you're dealing with regarding your work horse issues and how that relates to what I'm feeling. Guess I'm too blind to understand everything. I'm not in the best of moods right now so I miss a lot. But thanks for helping me (almost) see the difference. For some reason, whether I'm self-interested or selfish, it's still the same result, just focused on me. And I don't want to focus on ME having sex as pleasure. Maybe that's more of it, maybe I just don't want to see me enjoying sex. In my current frame of mind, which totally sucks right now btw, I'm unable, no unwilling, to see myself out of this.

Sidenote: I told my bf that I asked this question of the board and I sent him my response. He said he disagreed with all my answers. Well, duh! Anyway, what's weird is, for someone who has struggled lately with coming to terms with the depth of my loneliness, I sure would prefer to be alone right now.

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