remembering to breathe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
remembering to breathe
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 6:01pm
Whoo. so, it's ... I think..wednesday? It's spring break, which

is why i have no idea what day it is. still, I like to be able

to be ignorant and relaxed enough not to know things like that sometimes.

I'm so shaky today, because of this condition I have called akesthesia or

something like that. Basically, it's an essential tremor that I can't

take meds for anymore because they made me throw up. My gag reflex is

really strong after a year and a half with an eating disorder (which my

mother is convinced is because of the SA. But I"m not so sure.) Anyway,

that's neither here nor there. I just wanted to say, I have been talking to this

guy for about two years since i left ohio to come live here in germany and yesterday

he caught me at a really bad time. I was crying (my biggest fault, I guess.I'm a big

crybaby) and I was shaky and depressed and he knew then-I don't know how- but he

put it all together, about why I'm afraid of my dad, and relationships and sex and

men....and he made a point to tell me he'd take care of me. but how can I trust that?

words are words. they've never gotten me anywhere. now, even though I've been pretty

good friends with this guy, I feel like i don't ever want to talk to him again. I want

him to stay away from me. I dont' know what to do. what if he tells someone?

I also had another nightmare last night. i woke up the other night with no underwear on. I don't know how that happened because I fell asleep with them on, and i don't usually move much in my sleep. that was just weird ;)I'm reading this book, The Oasis, by Petru Popescu... it's very good. I recommend it. Also, has anyone here read the poisonwood bible?

Avatar for sunshineydays
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:25pm
I have read The Poisonwood Bible. I thought it was really interesting--in fact, one of the more interesting books I have read. It's been about two years since I"ve read it, though. Have you, or are you thinking about it? I find the best books are the ones with the complex relationships.

I don't think it's a fault to cry. In fact, I wish I could allow myself to do that more often. I have a really difficult time with it. I guess the grass is always greener, eh? You view it as your biggest fault to cry, while I view it as one of my big faults NOT crying. lol

Trust is definitely an issue. I can understand why you aren't sure that he means what he says, even though I hear you saying that part of you thinks that it's possible.

Take care, Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:33pm
I love "The Poisonwood Bible"! n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 6:46am
so do I! I thought it was very thoughtful. A great idea. I've

read it like twenty five times, lol. just askin'! ;)