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lilmuffinhead
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
new, would like opinions
5
 Thu, 04-10-2003 - 5:49pm
hi. i am new here. a friend from another board told me this would probably be the place to go. anyways, i dont want to say my name just yet and i have no idea how to say this, but - when i was little, my dad and i were really close - not sexually, but in a loving snuggling kind of way. then my parents got divorced and he went away and i didnt see him much. now he is back, since 3 years ago. he lives within 10 miles of me. he is retired and i am not working right now because i am on disability. i get lonely and go visit him. anyways, one day i wasnt feeling well and went to his house. he took care of me and started snuggling me like he used to. it felt really good because i do love him and get lonely alot. anyways,after that, we snuggled everytime i went over there, and i think we fell in love with each other. now we make love several times a week. i dont think it could be wrong because we are both adults and we both want to be doing it and really love each other. neither one of us is married to anyone else. so this is not sexual abuse or anything like that, right?
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cl_opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: lilmuffinhead
new, would like opinions
 Thu, 04-10-2003 - 6:57pm
Hmmm...truth be told, I read your post and became appalled at the absurdity of your question. My mind was screaming OF COURSE IT'S SEXUAL ABUSE! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! But I have a feeling you probably don't want to hear that, do you? Perhaps you and your friend have been discussing this relationship and your friend may be equally appalled. Am I close? So I imagine she pointed you here to get feedback from the "experts".

See, here's the thing. This is wrong. Morally, ethically, in every way shape or form. I'm not judging you, it's simply wrong and unhealthy. You say you're both adults but this is where I think you're off. Adults know the boundaries of appropriate relationships. Fathers and daughters do NOT have sex...ever. Neither you nor your father are working with what I would consider rational adult psyches. I know, again, this is probaly NOT what you want to hear and I'm sorry.

You sound incredibly happy in this relationship but this is abuse, no if, ands or buts. I hope you can eventually see through this. Good luck.

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greenjeanz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: lilmuffinhead
new, would like opinions
 Thu, 04-10-2003 - 7:34pm
Even though you're both consenting adults, having a sexual relationship with your father is not a good idea. A sexual relationship between a parent and child (or between siblings) is condemned by every single society on the face of the earth. This can't just be an overwhelming coincidence; there has to be a good reason for this universal taboo. I believe the reason is that if you have sex with a close relative, you greatly increase the chances of passing on genetic defects. All moral issues aside, if you're capable of bearing children, don't have sex with your father. It's just not a good idea, genetically speaking. And even if getting pregnant is not a possibility, I can still think of all sorts of good reasons to end this sexual relationship right now. No offense to you or your father, but you deserve better!
preciadawn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: lilmuffinhead
new, would like opinions
 Thu, 04-10-2003 - 9:52pm
You need to get into couseling right away. In no way, shape, or form is having sex with your father ok and for you to think that it isn't wrong shows that you are in serious need of professional help.


Precia

Precia

            Cl-Families and Mental Illness

breakinfree
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: lilmuffinhead
new, would like opinions
 Sat, 04-12-2003 - 9:08pm
Yes, it is abuse! I echo what everyone else has already said. I can see where the snuggling felt good because it reminded you of how things were before the divorce, but it should NEVER have gone beyond that. Your dad should never have taken it to that level. Please see a counselor and get help. Consenting adults or not, you are his DAUGHTER and he is your FATHER. What's going on is wrong, wrong, wrong. And don't let your father tell you that you started it, either. Even if you did, he should have never allowed it to be like this.

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sunshineydays
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lilmuffinhead
new, would like opinions
 Sun, 04-13-2003 - 1:48am
I agree with what the others have said. It is abuse and it is inappropriate. If you felt confident that it was okay to have this relationship, then you wouldn't be asking (I'm just pointing that out b/c some part of you is questioning whether or not you should be doing this). I hope and pray that you seek counseling a.s.a.p. as I feel that it is vital for your health and well-being. Take care, Stacy
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