QOTW: Anger management

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
QOTW: Anger management
2
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 11:54am
As we all know, anger can be a wonderful, fortifying part of healing, and it can also be problematic. Has anger been a problem for you? If so, in what healthy ways have you channeled it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 12:21pm
I've learned a lot about myself and anger in the last two years. I'm not a person who explodes; I tend to bottle things up inside. Most of my anger has been towards my mother. She ranted and raved constantly, and I vowed early in life that I would NOT be like her. I'm a pretty upbeat, cheerful person by nature, but the issues I've dealt with all my life have demanded being addressed in the last few years. Because I felt that it was WRONG to be angry, it created more conflict inside because the simple fact was that I WAS angry, but telling myself I shouldn't be. I think that that contributed a LOT to the depression and anxiety I have had to deal with. I have had two counselors; the first one told me that if you're mad, do a good job of it so that it's addressed and gets out of your system (expressing it in healthy ways, of course). My counselor now has really helped me realize that there is no right or wrong to feelings; they just are. My feelings are the way I feel and that's okay. That was a major light bulb for me because I was not allowed my emotions growing up, and I had crap piled onto me constantly.

I am finding that the best way for me to deal with anger is to exercise. From a physical perspective the body builds up adrenaline and endorphins when you are angry, and it's there to be used. If you don't use it, it turns inward and that's where ulcers and other ailments come from. I can say that two years ago I was well on my way to all kinds of illnesses; I was sick all the time from anxiety and panic. Now when I feel emotions like panic or anger coming on I go for a walk or go to the community center and hop on the treadmill. I can really tear it up!

I am much healthier physically than I was two years ago. I still have a long way to go--I have weight to lose and unhealthy habits to break, but I think I'm headed in the right direction. And when I'm angry I try to work through it to determine what exactly the cause is. I can sort it out in my head while I exercise or journal and then I feel better.

My two cents! Heidi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 2:30am
*POSSIBLE TRIGGERS*

I learned something new about my own anger today. I have always had this weird reaction when someone wakes me up suddenly, especially if I've just recently fallen asleep. This dates back at least 14 years. If I've only been asleep a short time and I'm woken up suddenly, I wake up INCREDIBLY angry. I yell, crab, stomp around--it only lasts a couple of minutes, but the feeling is intense. It is rage. My son woke me up today, and I woke up enraged. Then I remembered that an uncle of mine had the same kind of thing happen to him--they used to wake him up with a broomstick because they were afraid of getting punched.

I realized that this might be directly related to the way my abuse happened. (I'm pretty sure this uncle was abused, too.) My abuser used to attack me in my sleep. So being woken up like that must trigger me. And here I thought I had the vast majority of the PTSD symptoms licked. But there's another one. It's interesting, anyway.