*Vents & Victories*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
*Vents & Victories*
10
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 7:35am
With both Passover and Easter behind us now, I imagine many of us spent time with our families the past few days. How was it? Any vents? Any victories? And beyond that, do you have anything else you'd like to vent about or claim as a victory? We'd love to listen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:07am
A few Peeps yesterday (the vent) but NO CHOCOLATE!!!!!! (the victory) :o}

A vent--I missed dh like crazy yesterday. I HATE holidays when he is not home. I just can't get into the spirit. And, ds had a bit of fever Sat. night so we stayed home all day, which makes missing dh worse.

A victory--We did manage to have some fun. We played two games of Clue (love that game!) and planted some flower seeds outside and watched "Free Willy." I also watched "Sweet Home Alabama" last night which made me miss dh even more.

Are you getting a sense of the mood swings going on around here yesterday? LOL

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 3:28pm
Mine is sort of a victory. At least I thought it was at the time. Now I'm not so sure. Anyway, it has to do with my bf. He has pulled way back as I've become more celibate. Our conversations are very surfacy. We don't hold each other, partially b/c our kids' schedules leave little time for just us and partially b/c I really believe he isn't comfortable just snuggling. You know, he's too horney. Well, I've been trying to discuss his distance and he keeps blowing me off saying everything's fine. For so much of my life, I would believe someone when they dismissed my feelings of uncertainty. Like with my step-grandfather (abuser), I might have been scared but he told me things were really good. Or like my ex-husband, he told me "we" were fine when I was so unhappy. This time though I stuck to my guns. I knew something was off and I kept pursuing it until he finally agreed he was pulling back. We talked very openly about how we each react when we feel unloved. I showed him that I want him to be as honest and verbal about his feelings as he expects me to be. Now, let's just see if he can follow through. This is where I'm not so sure. He still seems to be removed. Oh well.

Have a good week everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:09pm
It sounds like you did your part & I hope you feel good about that! It can be hard to wait and trust that the other person will do their part. I think you were very brave to bring up this issue! Good for you!
Avatar for sunshineydays
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:10pm
How did you know I needed to vent? I'm so frustrated and confused. I'm trying to make sense of it, but I'm not making much headway. First of all, I have been dealing with sinus issues since Friday night--no big deal--it happens. So, today I did go to the doctor and got meds. I always know when it's crossed the line into an infection. Anyhow, I think that each time I see a doctor (or other health care professional, like a nurse practitioner), it just brings up such strong feelings of vulnerability and giving control over to someone else that I'm left ? I don't know the word I'm looking for. I feel like crud, though, in every way. I could just cry. I am trying very desperately to be mindful that I'm not feeling well, I'm tired and those two things don't make for clear thinking. Given that, I am worrying myself into a place about so many things. I know that many of those things I have no control over and it's not fruitful to worry about them. Why doesn't that help? I tried going to sleep, but that's not working--my head aches. I just want to hide myself in a corner for awhile. Granted, I know that won't solve a thing. Not even typing this seems to be helping me. I just feel worse. Are you sorry you asked? :) Take care, Stacy
Avatar for sunshineydays
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:13pm
You stuck to your guns and for that you should be proud! You communicated your feelings and that is really good. I imagine that may have been difficult, but you did it! :) Take care, Stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 2:54am
I'm not sorry CL-Opal asked! I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes! So thank you for your willingness to share, even when you're not feeling your best.

I have a visual image that helps me when I'm feeling this way. It stems from the serenity prayer, but I imagine this visual and it makes more sense to me than just the words. I imagine myself standing up, and I draw a circle (a sacred circle, actually, lol) around myself. Inside the circle are the things I can control and do something about. Outside the circle are the things I can't. When I start to obsessively worry, I imagine myself in my sacred circle, and I try to figure out if the thing I'm worrying about belongs inside the circle or outside. If it belongs inside, and I can do something about it, then I do whatever I can. If it's outside, I let it go. (This often takes several tries!) For some reason, that circle image really helps me put this into practice. :o}

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 7:26am
I love this!!

Thanks,

Gail

Avatar for sunshineydays
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 9:30pm
Thanks for your support and your idea. I will try that one. I, too, am very visual. Take care, Stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 11:59pm
My victory...don't laugh....is that I said "no" to my entire over bearing family for Easter, and instead spent it only with the hubby and the kids. I hid cool things I never thought I could ever fit into plastic eggs, special little things for each one of them, and they each got 6 eggs with their names on them. (well, they were big eggs)We colored hard boiled eggs Saturday and then on Sunday afternoon they sat around the table for hours peeling them, plugging their noses,and asking who farted. Gross, I know. Kids are hilarious when you let them be kids! We had "make your own pizza" easter dinner. You know, pizza on English muffins cooked in the toaster oven, and they made dirt cups for dessert with gummy worms and crushed oreos, and chocolate pudding. They made a huge mess, and we took lots of pictures. We read the real story about Easter, learned why we celebrate it, and had the best Holiday I think we ever had together. These are the kinds of memories I want my kids to grow up with. Thanks for letting me share! Lynn

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Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 1:53am
That sounds WONDERFUL!!!