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|Wed, 04-23-2003 - 4:21pm|
I've been having a pretty emotional day - can't even blame it on PMS (I hate when that happens!). I'm running this program with kids reading to dogs to promote reading and build self-esteem. Last night one of the little girls wrote me an e-mail. She started off being so shy - she wouldn't even look up at me. Last week was the first time she read aloud to one of my dogs - she was scared - I could tell - but very proud of herself. Anyhow - she has come a long way in a few short weeks. I forwarded her e-mail to a reading teacher that is this volunteer group that is also running the program. She made a comment to me that just turned on a big switch .. she said " gaining a childs trust is one of lifes greatest achievments". I thought about that long and hard last night. She was totally right. This little girl reminds me a little of myself at her age - and it just hit me as to what a terrible thing that my abuser did. I treasure this little girls trust - I can't imagine EVER doing anything to break it. How dare he take that trust away~ How dare he use it to his advantage. I think I finially get it. I held on to my teddy bear ALL night last night. I truly felt the pain that I felt back then - its been such an eye opener.
Another thing that has been bothering me is the fact that in a few months I m packing up and moving out West. In doing so I have to (maybe) find a new T. It is killing me to think about it. Ive tried to put it on the back burner but its not working. Im waking up again with night sweats. I don't want to leave her - I feel SUCH a connection with her and I dont want to lose it - the thought of it brings me to tears every time.
I was suppose to meet with her tomorrow night - but I felt like I was going to burst so she moved me to today - actually - I need to leave in a few mins.
It has been such an emotional day! I think I cried most of the day!