*ROLL CALL/Vents & Victories*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
*ROLL CALL/Vents & Victories*
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 7:42am
Happy Monday everyone!

How was your weekend? Anything you care to vent about? Any victories you'd like to share? This is a good place to get it out.

And what about this coming week? What is that looking like for you?

Okay, I hope to hear from lots of people so we know you're here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 8:16am
Well, you can't imagine how much I want to vent about this technical glitch I'm having with the board. It stinks! But I'll save that for iVillage tech support.

Beyond that, I had a good victory last night. Of course, this has to do with my bf---again, lol. Sorry if this is ad nauseum for some of you. Anyway, we have not been doing well b/c he's so cautious of how to act around me. He's afraid of triggering me and he's so uncomfortable around me if I've had a hard session or something. He's become extremely guarded and it's been bugging the heck out of me. I do NOT want to be intimate with someone who isn't there for me, ya know? That triggers very bad feelings for me. So, last night I called him and we had a major heart to heart talk. This was great b/c I didn't make this all about my issues. It was balanced, some of my stuff and some about his stuff.

I know, this is just like last week's V&V for me. I don't want these conversations to become a weekly occurance. It was just good to stand up for myself even more. For as f'ed up as I feel about myself sometimes, I think I'm much more capable of speaking for my feelings than he is. And that feels good.

Men, are they all this dense?! ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 11:52am
Mine is! LOL Several months back, I was feeling triggered during sex. It only lasted for a few weeks, and it was because I was concentrating on staying focused in the room. Well, dh was not happy with the shift in our sex life, and let me tell you, his unhappiness showed. Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. Yet he wouldn't talk about it. I felt ok about it all, though, because I just had a strong feeling that my problem was temporary. I just really believed that. So I wasn't as concerned about the change as he was. Anyway, after I don't know how many days of grumping and pouting, I finally insisted--INSISTED--that he fess up about what was bugging him. (He keeps things to himself because he's afraid of hurting me.) And he finally said, very sarcastically, after much nagging and haranguing on my part, "I'm not happy, is that OK?" To which I simply said, "Yes, it is OK." (I think he was a little shocked that I didn't fall apart.) The whole thing was funny to me because I am SO used to talking about my feelings because of therapy, AMAC, and OA, and it was SO hard for him to talk about such an obvious feeling! It definitely felt good to be the one who had a handle on things for a change! :o} And the problem I was having did dissipate, as I thought it would.

Although, I do worry sometimes when he is gone for such a long period of time that when he gets home I'll be triggered just because I'm not used to sex and just sharing my physical space with anyone anymore. KWIM? Although, I'll tell you, it's been 3 months now, and I really miss sharing my physical space! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 12:03pm
I guess I have mostly victories this week. I had an awesome dinner with a friend on Sat. night. We have such a great time talking. She said that this deployment (our dh's are deployed together) has been bearable because of me. Isn't that nice?

I'm almost at the end of the semester! WOO HOO! SUMMER IS COMING!

I got about half the house really, really clean yesterday. And I'm starting to turn over some of the cleaning tasks to the kids. It's awesome. My son washed the bathroom floor yesterday!

I'm getting much faster at grading papers. (I've heard from a lot of experienced teachers that with experience, grading goes faster. And I'm glad! It used to take me forever! This weekend, I graded about 30 papers, and instead of taking two days, it took about 5 or 6 hours.)

I washed both cars this weekend. (I was in a cleaning mood!) Of course, I killed the battery on one of them because I was using the CD player while I was washing it. So there it sits in the driveway until I go out and buy some jumper cables. WOOPS! That's what happens when dh is out to sea & I don't drive his car enough!

My dd's room is clean. It took her a day and a half, but it is really clean now. (We threw away 3 tall garbage bags full of junk from her room!) She's had lots of problems with messiness lately. Her report card grades have even gone down because of it. She's always been a messy kind of kid, but lately it's gotten BAD. (I found candy wrappers between the bed and the wall & insisted on a thorough room cleaning. The ants in Hawaii don't need much of an invitation. They'll march in and carry you off in your sleep if you're not careful!) So I guess it was a spring cleaning weekend. I'm going to try to finish the rest of the house this week, so that when summer finally arrives for me next week, I can just enjoy it!!!

Now a vent--I say I want to enjoy it, but you know--I'm nervous about having that much empty time. That could be a real food problem for me. I don't have a plan yet, but I know I need one.


Avatar for chameleonic
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:16pm

This weekend was a busy one for me since I pretty much used all my time working at both jobs. Came home, went to sleep, got up, went to work, went to the 2nd job, came home and slept. I've been doing that for the last four days actually since my 2nd job is going through a major cleaning up of old clothes, winter clothes and making room for incoming spring clothes. Today I'm off from both jobs so that's nice for me.

I had a session with my T this morning and it went pretty good. We didn't really get into anything intense and I think that's what I needed since the last few sessions have been really intense. I was able to talk a bit today about my insecure feelings and worries with her too. I find myself waiting for her to get bored of me or something. I've also been very self conscious about wanting and needing to see her twice a week.

Today I'm feeling kinda good and it's been too long since I've felt that way. Also, instead of waiting for it to disappear again, I'm trying to just enjoy it. As for the rest of this week. I don't know. This week I think I just have to take it one day at a time. The only day I'm concerned about is friday...gyn exam. My old T convinced me to go after I had mentioned that I hadn't go for an exam for nearly 6 years and I finally went in Aug of 2001. It was horrible. The Dr. was great, she was patient, explained everything and the whole nine yards. My problem was keeping my emotions in check. I went ballistic, cried through the whole thing and raged with fury for hours afterwards. I was supposed to go last summer went they sent me the yearly reminder but I've put it off til now. At this point, that's my biggest concern.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:25pm
Heidi here!

Haven't posted on V&V for awhile because I wasn't sure HOW I was feeling.

I think it's a victory, though. I've gone a good month without triggers and being able to handle myself well; I've had a lot of "good" days and I have felt a lot of peace.

On Friday I prepped my flower bed and tomato area; put in the flowers and will put in the tomatoes and anaheim peppers tonight. Friday night and Saturday I tackled my "workroom" upstairs--it's been a catch-all for a long time, and I'm finally feeling up to going through everything and not hoarding everything I've collected over the years.

These two victories were major for me, since I have ADD and it's really easy to feel lost before starting. I am also discovering how satisfying gardening is for me. There is something about getting my hands dirty and using that garden claw, putting in new plants that resonates with my soul. Maybe because it's such a basic, simple thing. It makes the complicated parts of our world seem so far away.

Yard work is a great upper body workout, as well! I felt FANTASTIC afterward!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 7:55pm
I'm here....still jobless though. :(