Abused and now harassed
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|Sat, 05-03-2003 - 12:12pm|
Recently in school an 8 year old boy has been sexually harassing my daughter and others in the classroom. (He has asked for sex and sex in showers, etc.) When I made complaints, the boy cornered her and was very angry with her for telling. (She was angry with me for telling.) I removed her from school. More reports of harassment from this boy are reported everyday. Yet no one will stop it. I have exhausted all avenues with the school/principal/superintendent/school board. They all refuse to remove the boy from the classroom. They say that his counselors say it is best for him to remain in his classroom and the girls need counseling to develop better "coping skills." I have tried to file charges with law enforcement. They refused to take a report because the offender is under the age of 10. There are no quick fixes here. All immediate complaint processes have been exhausted.
My husband says that I should send her back to school and then each time this happens we make more noise. I disagree and we fight about this. He didn't have to hear her explain what her cousin was doing to her as a 4 year old. He was working out of state. He has a luxury I don't have. It will haunt me forever and the guilt for me is strong.
My daughter is visibly angry with this boy in her classroom. She is afraid of him and she is very upset about his behavior.
For a normal child, these incidents may not be that big of a deal. They still are wrong and should not happen, period. But, I realize that this may be more traumatic for my daughter.
I am asking myself the following questions:
This boy is 8 years old, her previous abuser was 8-9 years old. How much of her reaction to this boy is related to the past?
She told someone before and nothing happened. She told me this time and the school didn't stop it. How will this effect her ability to stand up against this behavior in the future if I don't make a strong stand here?
Her abuser had an opportunity to threaten her after she told when she was 3... and now this boy had an opportunity to corner her and made her feel threatened after I told. How will this effect her telling me in the future?
She wants to go back to school and feels that she is being punished. She doesn't want to see this boy and wants him out of the class. She doesn't understand why they won't remove him or correct his behavior.
I feel that the rest of her life could be greatly effected by how I proceed, right now. What message do I send to her, if I allow her to return to this environment and nothing has been corrected?
I want to homeschool her for the rest of the year. My husband disagrees with this. We are looking to move to another school district that enforces a "NO Tolerance" policy.
I think she will get over missing her friends for the last 5 weeks of school. I am hoping it can be explained as, not everyone does the right thing in this world and it isn't fair that you are missing out because of his behavior.
I don't think she will ever get over it if I allow her to once again live through telling and nothing happening and her having to face the offender on a daily basis.
My husband says I am making more out of this than needs to be. That she can just deal with it. But, why does she have to?
How can I make the choice that is best for her when my husband and I disagree so strongly? Am I right or is he?