married and sexually abused??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
married and sexually abused??????
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 3:07pm
I am 27 years old and have been with the same man for about 12 years(married for 7 of those years).We have 2 children together.We have recently seperated,(my choice).

My oldest son is living with him and my youngest is with me.Anyway I sometimes go over there and have dinner with him and my son, and he is always pressuring me for sex when I go over.He says i owe it to him to have sex with him.I keep saying no but it escalates into a huge screaming match.I try to just leave and he will follow me and we have screaming matches on the side of the road.The last few times I have been over there I ended up just letting him do his thing.and i feel so disgusting and gross afterwards that i physically get sick.

There was a few times where he has actually held me down so he could"relieve pressure"as he calls it.The last time happened just last night and it was worse than the others.After it happend he said he was sorry and that he thought i was just playing hard to get and that maybe i liked it when he just held me down and did it.I am just filled with so many different emotions right now that I am totally lost,i have been blowing up at my children for no reason and have just been a total B#*ch.

I know I should just stop going there but he has my oldest son ask me to stay for dinner and I cannot refuse my son.

Has anyone been married and sexually assaulted/attacked or whatever by there own husband? and if so any advice on how to deal with these emotions?I allready feel a little better by typing them out here.Any help would greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 7:48am
You're totally being sexually abused, no one owes sex to anyone! And he's using your son to manipulate you into coming to dinner then ignoring your boundaries. This really is abuse. Manipulation, coersion and force are all part of it. Has he always shown you such little respect?

I hope you can get away from him or seek couple's therapy b/c this is not what children should ever witness. Perhaps you can tell your son that you prefer for him to come to your house for dinner from now on. Your husband's house is not safe right now.

I'm sorry if my post seems harsh, it's just that what you described gave me chills. I'm really sorry you're in such a rough relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 2:33pm
That's abusive, and it's rape. Really, you should seek outside help with this, at the very least counseling for yourself and maybe your children (not to mention your husband, who clearly needs to change). No one - NO ONE - has the right to coerce you into sex, whether verbally or physically. Your husband has done both. This cannot be healthy for you or your children. It's really too much to handle alone. You say yourself that you cannot refuse your son, and if you can't, you will only continue to be raped and abused by your husband. Please do find someone who can help you sort out a way to protect yourself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 9:34am
The next time your son wants u to come over to dinner. Have him go to your house alone. I would if I were u call the cops on your husband. That is rape!! Email me if u want. Laura