mother in law told seceret

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
mother in law told seceret
1
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 9:56am
When I was engaged to my husband we were in the process of filing for SSDI for my ptsd. His mom ask why did I have ptsd. I told her not in detail of my brother sexually abusing me for two years. We also told her not to tell anyone. While I was 3 months pregnant I find out from his brother that she told everyone. I was so hysterical thank god I didnt lose my baby. Til this day I dont like her at all. Now she is coming up here for 6mos to her trailor and my husband wants to go once a month to see her. I dont want to go at all. Would any of u go if someone betrayed your confidence?? The reason she told was because we are family. Well not all of my family knows about it. Would any of u be mad?? My husband says move on. Well I cant now since I have a little baby to protect my whole life. Please write back
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 12:18pm
I can certainly understand that you feel angry and betrayed. She did betray your trust. But there is something in me that thinks it might be better in the long run that she told. Keeping the secret only protects the abusers, and it keeps victims from getting the support they need and deserve. Maybe--and of course I don't know her or the rest of your extended family--but maybe they will become for you what my inlaws have become for me, a surrogate family that is all of the things my birth family is not.

I understand the intense desire to keep sexual abuse a secret. I did it myself for a couple of years after I remembered mine. But after two years of individual counseling and a year of group therapy, I find myself feeling much more open about it. I used to be terrified that people would judge me. That they would think I was crazy, or damaged. But that hasn't been my experience at all. In fact, I just shared my history with a new friend I've made the other day, and she hugged me and said she really admired how well I'm doing considering all I've been through, and just said some really supportive things.

I hope this all works out for you. Please keep coming back to the board. We're here to support you!