New and scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
New and scared
2
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 10:56pm
I am new to this message board stuff. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have just admited it to myself that it had happened. I blocked it our for so many years. I suffered from depression, bulimia and complete self hatred. I am still new at expressing my feelings about this stuff, but it just helps to write it down and know that maybe someone out there can relate to what I am going through. I think about the abuse all the time now and it controls my thoughts and yes I am in therapy, but no I have not told my therapist yet, I am planning to next session. I imagine it is hard to say it outloud. I am embarassed about the abuse and I do feel guilty, but I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me, what am I afraid of? Ok thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: annie_027
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 2:30am
Welcome to the board here! I have been here for a few months and have found this to be a good place to come for support.

It sounds like you have already come through a lot of things. Learning to express your feelings instead of harming yourself is a huge positive step, so be sure to remind yourself of this success!

It is definitely important to tell your counselor about the SA; he/she can't know exactly how to help you if they don't know. Your feelings of guilt and embarrassment are normal; I hope maybe that makes you feel better. When I finally told my counselor I told her how I felt dirty telling her about it, and she reassured me that she doesn't think any less of me, and she is not there in a judgmental role. She has seen and heard a lot and sees these things from a clinical perspective. She has been great.

Try to remind yourself that this was NOT your fault. I think guilt is one of the biggest things we carry with us as SA survivors, but we CAN learn to let go of it.

I hope all goes well at your next appt., and that you will find this board to be helpful to you.

Hugs, Heidi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
In reply to: annie_027
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 2:42pm
Welcome to the board! I hope you'll keep coming back. I think that when you tell your therapist about the abuse, you will find that you have opened a door to healing. One of the things I've learned in recovery is that help is there if I ask for it! I never believed that would have been true. In fact, I would have sworn the opposite was true and had an attitude of "I'll do it myself (because no one else will help me do anything)." That made me resentful of almost everyone. But once I let go of my mistrust (and that was hard), I found that people can be trustworthy and loving. I hope you find that, too! (((hugs))) and welcome!