Thanks..picked up the books today..
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|Tue, 05-13-2003 - 11:13pm|
I also picked up "Allies in Healing: When the person you love was sexually abused as a child" for my husband. He's said he'll read it...he wants to understand and try to help as much as he can.
Another book I picked up that looks good is called "Writing to Heal the Soul" by Susan Zimmerman. I am a writer, but have always purposely avoided this topic and this looks like it'll help me to get started with getting it all out in the open.
I can't see myself in therapy (it was used against me as a child many times...a story for another time) but maybe later on I might try a support group that meets in person. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet though.
Came home from the bookstore and Paul and I talked a little at dinner (the kids had already eaten) and I cried some. Man I hate crying...feel so weak to let the tears fall, but I know I can't keep holding back all the time. He has said before, and said it again tonight, that he'll give me all the time and support I need from him to get through this. He's known about the abuse since early in our marriage, but I was still very much trying to prove how much it didn't affect me...so he never really understood before now that I've never dealt with it and how much it has contributed to the problems in our marriage.
He also forgave me..I had said that I've long felt like I was lying to him and cheating him of a real wife because of this inner pain and guilt and hurt and brokeness...and that it's pretty much the root of my unconscious sabotage of our relationship.
I am so blessed that Paul is willing to stay, to give me time, to try to understand and help me heal...