Now he's trying to take my son! (triger)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Now he's trying to take my son! (triger)
6
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 3:15pm
I don't know if you remember me, but my husband abused me and my son and I was abused when I was 3. I filed for a divorce and after 30 days he never responded, so I was supposed to get a default judgement, Instead, the day before the hearing, he hired this expensive lawyer and claimed that he didn't understand that he only had 30 days to respond to the divorce papers. now he has filed to take custody of our son and all of my belongings. This man already destroyed my house, turned half of my family against me by spreading lies that I slept around, and he tortured me sexually and sexually abused my son. He tried to kill me and he just can't seem to let it go. He gave me an STD and I had to have painful surgery because of it. I have a serious autoimmune disease and stress causes my health to get worse. Recently after finding out about him filing for custody, my eyes began to hurt me. I found out that I may very well go blind and that this is just yet another symptom of the disease. No one seems to beleive me that he abused our son. He also swore that he would kidnap him and take him to Mexico and I would never see him again. I really beleive that the judge will beleive him over me. After all, I beleived his excuses and lies for years! I just can't take this anymore. I almost think that I should have just killed the SOB one night when he attacked me and called it self defense. Even if the judge doesn't beleive him, I am certain that he will find some way to get to me. Restraining orders don't stop him. If he shows up one day, he could kill us before I even dial 911. I don't put anything past him. He is inhuman. His eyes are beady and blank and there is no soul underneath them. I would just run away and hide for the rest of my life, but I have no money and I am disabled and can't work. If anyone has any ideas please tell me, the cops have failed me, they didn't beleive my reports against him, the abuse centers can't seem to do anything, God has even turned his back on me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 7:47pm
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I can't imagine how awful this must be for you. I am sure you are beside yourself, not only for you but for your son as well. If he has abused him before, he will again if he gets custody.

My first thought was to go to a Women and Children's Shelter. If you call one of the hotlines in your area they should be able to help you get there. The locations are kept from the general public to ensure the safety of the residents. Your husband would not be able to find you there. Also they should have resources there that can help you as far as legal issues, etc. go.

I do hope that you are able to find resources that will help you.

Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 8:04pm
I second that. Get to a shelter immediately & ask for help. You'll be amazed at the resources available to you. Please don't wait! My prayers are with you and your son.

One other thing--is there anyone in your family you could count on for help? Somewhere you could stay where he wouldn't know where you were?

And one more thing--when you file your paperwork with the court, I know at least some states will let you keep your address a secret. You can write "confidential" in the address spaces of the forms you fill out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 10:56am
I have gone to a shelter, but legally they cant keep my husband from our son unless the judge orders it. They are up against a very charming beleivable man. I am afraid that the judge will beleive him and not me since there are no witnesses. Besides, their lawyer is a public defender type lawyer (free) and his is a big shot lawyer that never loses. The domestic violence center here helps a lot, but they can't ensure that my ex won't get custody despite everything they have done. I'm even considering running away with my son if he gets custody, and I can't even talk to the counselors about that because it is a crime and they would have to report me. Oh, well, I guess I should try not to worry so much intil we actually go to court. The date is June 6... hopefully I can stay sane until then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:33pm
Do you believe in signs? I went to court last year--on June 6--and got a restraining order against my father. I used a lawyer through the volunteer legal system. Here's what I found--my lawyer and his staff knew the people in the court from being there all the time. I also found that the court was very sympathetic to my case. I think you're right not to be open about plans to run off with your son. Those kinds of plans need to be kept secret if they're going to work. Do yourself a favor and write down everything your husband has ever done to you and when. If you have ANY witnesses, even someone you told at the time whatever it was happened, have them come to court with you or write letters on your behalf. Your lawyer will help you with other ways to prepare. Also--I know in my state, you can get a Temporary Restraining Order just by asking for it, pretty much. That will cover you while you wait for the court date, if you think you need it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 7:47am
Thanks for your responses. Actually, I am feeling better now. I went to my counselor and she helped me to see that my case is pretty good and she convinced me that my ex is so bad that his attitudes will show through his disguise. I'm going to see her again monday (right before I have to go to the lawyer to prepare). Also, he has started following me again. My sister has agreed to go with me tomorrow in kind of a "sting" He will probably be waiting for me when I go to pick up my son, and if he follows me, my sister will be witness and this time he will go to jail for at least a month because he already has a suspended sentence from the last time. He almost followed me yesterday, but along came a bunch of cops, sirens blaring, and he took off. They weren't after him, but appearently it sure scared him. I hope he peed his pants! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 10:06pm
I'm so glad you're feeling better, and getting some good counsel. It sounds like you have some good people helping you out. Let us know how the "sting" goes!

It sounds like he got a good scare! That just shows that HE KNOWS he's guilty. Hopefully it will start catching up with him.

Stay strong, and keep us updated.

{{{gentle hugs}}}

Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board