iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 3:43pm
Would like some feedback from anyone willing to share some. Just back from therapy. Tough session, approaching my anger towards me, my denial about abuse and its impact, my tendency to dissociate at times. My back is killing me...The pain is in my upper back, like a vise. It started in session and is just continuing. I know its related somehow to my emotional pain exposed in session. i just hurt. Has this ever happened to you? Is it a flashback? I'm confused again, and in pain. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
In reply to: julikay
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 7:34pm
I can't say for sure what this is for you, but I do know that I had body memories once I started addressing my SA in therapy. My pain was mostly "down there." It hurt so bad that I thought I had a urinary tract infection. I talked to my counselor about it and she said that pain as a type of body memory is pretty typical. She counseled one woman who had been choked when she was little and didn't remember it; during hypnotherapy she got a red ring around her neck before the memory itself surfaced.

The first thing I thought of in reading your description was tension. When I have a lot of anxiety, which I am prone to, it's like I physically "brace myself" for what's happening. I wonder if because this was such a tough session you're "bracing yourself" for what's next. You could also be "bracing yourself" in a defensive mode. This would make sense to me, especially if you've had a tendency to deny that it happened.

Those were just the thoughts I had. I would defintely ask your counselor about it; he/she can help you work through it. The body can definitely take emotional pain and make it physical.

I would suggest being extra kind to yourself right now; make time for yourself to do things that are "relaxing" to you. Also I keep a journal on the computer and I just type away when I am having feelings that are driving me nuts. It helps me sort things out, and once they're down on paper my brain doesn't have the need to go over and over and over it. Light exercise, like a walk around the block in the evening, can really help, too.

I'm sure you'll get more input on this. I hope so, because you'll be likely to get a lot of good insight. I'm not new to therapy, but have only made my SA a part of it over the last few months.

I do hope that you start feeling better.

Love, Heidi


co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
In reply to: julikay
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 8:00pm
I had pain in my upper back, shoulders, neck and head for several months during my "emergency" stage. For me, it was all tension. Yoga helped, but really it was just a matter of time. Continuing in therapy helped. AMAC has helped. I remember crying to my dh that I had been in nonstop pain for MONTHS at one point. It was awful. Do you think your pain could be stress-related?