QOTW: Recovery goals?

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Registered: 03-21-2003
QOTW: Recovery goals?
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:17am
It seems like my recovery goals have changed over time. They've become more finely nuanced. I've gone from wanting to get rid of the "I want to die" feeling as being my primary goal to different, smaller goals now. So I thought it might be interesting if we all shared what our current recovery goals are.

What do you WANT out of all of this recovery work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:16pm
Well, gosh! Where is everyone the last couple of days? I hope everyone's all right. Please check in when you get a chance. I'll go ahead and answer my own question first!

What I want from recovery right now is a greater sense of acceptance about my family's abandonment of me. I would also like to get rid of the thoughts that creep into my mind every so often that say, "What if I'm wrong? What if all the things I remember didn't really happen to me?" My family's denial has been so strong, it's hard not to get sucked into it, despite all of the very clear evidence to the contrary. It hurts me that they will not tell the truth, and I know that I can't make them tell the truth, so I have to hope and work toward building my acceptance that this is a gap that will never close. So I have to learn to accept the gap and forget about it. Or at least stop letting it hurt me.

Avatar for aprilroxy
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Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:31pm
I thought I'd jump in and post my thoughts. My most immediate goal is to find a new therapist. I haven't been for about 2 months now, but I'm surviving. I can definately tell a difference though. My former T (the only one I've had) just resigned. Then after that I hope to work on my issues surrounding me seeing my abuser a few months ago. Those are my most pressing matters. There are more, but I try not to focus on every single thing or else it'll really get me down.

Thinking of everyone....April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:33pm
My goal. To change my family future. By healing my past, I hope to change my children's and my grandson's future. I hope they have the carefree, unhaunted life that they deserve. I hope that by healing my past, my parent's past, my grandparent's past, they can live for themselves.

I can deal with anything if I know it will help them.

Avatar for opal45
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Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 9:25am
It's graduation time around here and I have two graduates, one from 8th grade (it's a Catholic thing) and one from high school. So maybe my answer comes from attending too many masses recently ;-). I'm telling you all this b/c it just occured to me what my recovery goals are; to love others as I love myself. You know, that Commandment thingie.

I knew I couldn't love others, or know they really love me anyway, if I didn't love myself. And that's where much of my energy has gone. I really credit the IFS (Internal Family System) approach and the inner child work I've been doing for the past year and a half for so much of the growth in this area. I couldn't imagine being in this space when I first started therapy.

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 05-24-2003 - 4:49pm
Sorry it took me awhile to answer. I had to give it time to swim around in my brain! I couldn't really pinpoint any particulars when I first read the question.

Saw my therapist on Thursday and was in tears because just 10 minutes earlier I had had a run-in with one of my daughter's Girl Scout leaders. Won't go into the details except to say that they handled some things very badly as far as the lines of communication go, and we were not informed when registration for some summer camps were, and my daughter cannot participate because we didn't register on time. I approached this leader very nicely to see if there was a way we could work something out so I could register dd. This woman let me have it royally and was very rude. I was so angry at the things she said to me and the WAY she said them that I turned and quickly walked out. I was so angry! It quickly turned into an inner conflict because I have viewed anger as something bad that I should not feel towards people.

At first in telling my therapist about this (didn't mean for this to be my counseling subject this week, but it was RIGHT THERE), she thought that my feelings were just hurt and that I don't allow myself to be angry. I always need all this validation and reassurance that I didn't do anything wrong and that my upset feelings are valid. I told her I was FURIOUS, and she said that that was actually a good thing, and that it shows I am growing in my sense of confidence in myself. What I need to work on now is ACCEPTING my feelings and not having this conflict inside of "you shouldn't be feeling this way." She guided me into realizing that this goes back to childhood because my parents were very authoritarian and I wasn't allowed to just be me. I was told from an early age that I was sassy, and I was. She pointed out that that was what saved me and helped me to survive. It was my way of standing up for myself. My parents pointed this out as something I needed to work on. She pointed out that my parents were the ones creating the conflict.

So, my newest immediate recovery goal is accepting my feelings for what they are and not feeling the need to shoulder blame when it's not my fault. And to get to the point where I don't need constant reassurance from my husband or counselor that my feelings are valid. Intellectually I get it, but my heart's not there yet. I'm finding that this is true of a lot of aspects of my recovery.

Sorry so long! You'd think I could just give a simple answer! LOL


edited to add: Sorry about the wrong cl name! It is me, breakinfree, and I forgot to switch hats from my other board. Thought I'd explain to avoid confusion.

Edited 5/24/2003 4:51:30 PM ET by cl-iheidi66


co-cl, Adults with ADD/ADHD Board &


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 10:36pm
First and Foremost my recovery goal would be to work on getting my suicidal ideation under control. Then I would like to work on getting my feelings about not being able to have children because of the abuse under control.Then I would like to work on not freaking out everytime I see the counselor that raped me walking around the streets where my parent's live.