Yesterday we were at my mom's for a barbecue. As my dh were leaving with our kids one of my mom's neighbors walked up and was chatting with me and my brother. I mentioned to her that I had noticed some of her daughter's scrapbook pages in the catalog for a stamping company that I buy my stamps from. Her daughter works for the company, so they use a lot of her work. I commented that she does a really nice job and told her that I'm starting to really get into stamping and that it was really fun.
Do you know what this woman SAID? Keep in mind I'm paying her compliments. . .
She said, "Your mom and I have discussed this at length--we've decided that you mothers these days would rather sit around and stamp and scrapbook than clean your houses." I could not believe how rude that was! This woman is about as psycho and people stupid as my mom is. I laughed and told her they had their hobbies back then, too, and she said, "Yeah, we CLEANED." My brother cracked a joke, and said, "Listen to her, trying to make it sound like they're pioneers or something." All of this I said in joking tones. It hadn't registered how rude she was being. Whenever something like this happens I'm so stunned that someone would actually talk like that that it doesn't hit me until after the fact. I should have said something like, "Well we all need our coping mechanisms to deal with the crappy childhoods we all had from mothers who cared about nothing except how clean their houses are," or "a clean house doesn't make you a good mom."
It really pissed me off that my mom is sitting there with her stupid friends criticizing her kids and anyone else their ages who have hobbies. I don't scrap and stamp all the time, they are pastimes. And my house is often cluttered, but I have ADD and they have no idea how difficult it is for me to keep up with things. I do well to remember where my kids need to be at various times. In the meantime I'm also in therapy, which in and of itself is hard work.
The victory of this, I guess, is that I don't feel guilty for being MAD! So I'm making progress! I just wish I would have flipped off a reply that would have made her feel stupid for opening her big mouth.
co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board
I guess I should appreciate the progress. It used to be that my head and my heart would be in the same place--and that was an ugly place. Now at least my head has moved on. Hopefully my heart will follow. I know that I am at high risk today of compulsively overeating. HIGH risk. I have been abstinent from COE for several months now, and I am afraid of what a binge could do to me. I don't want to go down that road again. That is not the answer for me.
So that is my vent. What an awful, jealous person I am. I am so angry at myself for feeling this way. It's not fair to my dh. It's not fair to do this to myself. I feel like I just want to go to bed and sleep until the port call is over. I am not in a good place today!
I'm sorry I didn't respond to you sooner; I've been pretty self-absorbed this week with my own issues.
Hope you're feeling better. I can totally relate to what you mean about your heart not having caught up with your head yet. I've noticed the same thing with myself. Intellectually I get it, but getting my feelings in line is a much more difficult process.
I think the amount of self-awareness you have is great! And I don't think you're an awful person. It's perfectly understandable why you are/were feeling the way you did when you posted. Maybe instead of getting angry with yourself, congratulate yourself on being able to identify why those feelings surfaced? You've been doing this a lot longer than I have, so I don't feel qualified to give advice to you, but I do think you should be kind to yourself.
You have accomplished a lot and come a long way, from what you describe! Remind yourself of that and do something nice for YOU (not ice cream, LOL--in reference to the COE! I say that because I love ice cream when I'm feeling bad.)!