Find a Conversation
|Thu, 06-05-2003 - 11:48pm|
What I'm really angry about is that the judge didn't give me a lifetime RO. I am so angry, I find myself wishing that this judge gets raped for five years by the same person, gets death threats by the same person for eight years after that, and then has completely inadequate protection from the law and the same kind of disdain and eye rolling he showed me when I applied for an RO in my home state against my father in another state. (I guess I'm just never supposed to be able to visit my sister, even when she's having her first baby and has been abandoned by our mother.) I keep envisioning sending this judge all sorts of letters. I'd like to send one that details exactly what my father did to me and how often. I'd like to send one that tells him exactly what kind of problems PTSD has caused in my life. I'd like to send one that tells him off for being a worthless human being for not granting me the full protection of the law. Of course I won't send or even write these letters, but I'm carrying this anger around, so maybe I should just journal them out or something.
I woke up at 3 am because I thought I heard the phone ring. (It didn't.) But I couldn't get back to sleep. I've been tired and upset all day. And I've wanted to compulsively overeat for two days now. I keep tempting myself with little bites of things I know I shouldn't have. Part of me just wants to curl up with the biggest bag of chocolate I can find and crawl inside. But there's another part of me that's scratching her head and saying, "*That* won't work!" That used to work! But it doesn't work anymore.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent.