DO FATHERS EVER PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
DO FATHERS EVER PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES?
1
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 7:30pm
Being molested by my father are some of my first memories. It went on till I was around 11, even after marrying my stepmother. I told and he lied. They believed him, I went to a shrink. If you share my story you know the labels I now wear. My father and his family (I even have 2 step-sisters!) now live a wonderful happy pretend life now; at what sometimes I can't help feeling is at my expense. I struggle each day not to die inside and to quell the rage I wake up with every morning. I am recently trying again to get better with the help of a support group. I can't help wondering though if with the knowledge of today it might help bring my father to justice. Has anybody ever succesfully prosecuted their fathers years after the fact? I need to know. I need to know if their is a chance I can have justice on this earth in this lifetime. I have a little boy now I need to be a good mother to and I need to figure out how to be happy for his sake. He is my life and my soul my little boy and I can't let him down. My father has ruined everything else in my life. i can't let what he did keep me from being the best mom I can be. How do you explain to a 3 year old why mommy is crying? He brought me a teddy bear. Thank God for him. Can anyone else help? I live in Prince George Canada but need to hear if anybody has succesfully sued for abuse. My email will be on my profile if anone is interested in reaching out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 1:02pm
I certainly understand your anger and your desire for justice. I have not prosecuted my father, because I believe it would just cause me more pain and that I wouldn't be able to prove it in court.

One thing I believe, though, is that it's possible for me to have peace, regardless of my father's condition--whether he's in jail, at home, admits what he did, or doesn't. (My father doesn't admit it, and I know what you mean about labels. There are only a couple of people in my family who still speak to me, and that hurts.) If I let my peace be determined by his condition--then he still has way too much power over me. I have found peace by letting go of all of that. It has not been easy, and it's actually something I have to keep letting go of. But it's worth it, for me. I believe that my father is living in a state of his own personal hell. I think of it this way--if God had given me a choice between being me and being him, knowing in advance what he would do, I would choose to be me every time. I can live with being a victim and then evolving into a survivor. I could not live with myself if I had hurt another human being that way. I just don't see how a person ever gets over that spiritually. But that's his problem, not mine. My problem is to keep evolving as a survivor and into whatever comes next.

Welcome to the board.