QOTW: Meeting a younger you

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
QOTW: Meeting a younger you
3
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 11:14am
Since I have been focusing a lot on Inner Child work, I thought I'd ask this question.

(Kind of got this idea from the Disney movie The Kid) If you were to meet a younger version of yourself, from the time your abuse started, what would you say to her to help her during the years to come?

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 06-16-2003 - 12:05pm
Here's what I'd say:

You deserve love, not what they're dishing out at you every day. The way your family is isn't normal, even though you think right now that it is. If I were your mother, I would take better care of you. I would hug you and kiss you and tell you I love you every day. I would not make you afraid. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, and if anyone ever did, I would call the police and make sure they were sent to jail.

I think it's great the way you take care of your sister--keep it up, you won't regret it because someday you two will be the only old family you have left (other than the new families you each will get, I mean). That you loved her is going to help her later, and knowing that you did something so good in the midst of all that bad stuff happening is going to help you.

I know it's hard, and that you love your parents, but try to live at least a little of your life for you instead of spending it all trying to save them or to avoid conflict with them. It's all right if you fail at this, though, because when you're older and you finally realize there's no saving them and that being in a relationship with them means always having conflict with them, you find your own life later on. Your own life waits for you. And it's a peaceful life, and there is a lot of love, and when conflicts do arise, they are resolved, and you do things like go to the beach for fun instead of fighting for entertainment.

Most importantly, know that your perserverance pays off. It does get better. Try to remember that what he says isn't true--it's *not* all your fault. The fault is his.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 2:10am
I would tell her that it isn't her fault that mommy is mad all the time. I would reassure her that she is a good girl. I would tell her that the things that happened to her were because of other people making wrong choices, and not because of anything she did. I would tell her that she is beautiful and that God loves her very much, and that even though growing up in her home was going to be hard she could do it. Someday she will marry a wonderful man and be a good mommy.

I would tell her that even though the world seems like a scary place, not every one is bad and going to hurt her (I was scared of people, especially boys, for a long, long time). I would encourage her to try and be the happy, outgoing little girl that she was before the SA happened.

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 4:01pm
What would i say; a million things run through my mind. "tell him NO", "tell on him sooner" but most of all I would tell her "no one really loves you here, find a way to get out as soon as possible." I would tell her not to trust her family; strangers are more reliable. and i would tell her she is not dirty and deserves to be loved the right way. it's not her fault.