Advice taken, App w/RCMP-scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Advice taken, App w/RCMP-scared!
4
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 6:09pm
so in less then 48 hrs i have an appointment to talk to an RCMP officer. Lord i am sick to my stomach, scared and the anxiety has found no peak yet. I'll lose even the bits of family I have. My grandma phoned tuesday night. i had not phoned my father on fathers day. Was I all right? I told her of course, just busy, made up stupid excuses. She tells me she loves me. I believe her right now. But i do not think she will love me so much when i tell her her only beloved son is a sick monster. who am i kidding, I could never tell her from my own mouth. my ears and heart could not take her denials. My son will have no grandparents. I have no aunts or uncles to offer him and no cousins to grow up with. i will take all of that away from him when i file this charge and allege my allegation. I have no delusions whose words my family will believe. And selfishly protecting my nieces and nephews gives me not much solace when their parents will hate me for it.
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 7:31pm
I only have a second to write but I wanted to let you know you are NOT the one doing this to your family....HE DID!!! If they turn against you then HE took your son's grandparents away, HE took your son's aunts, uncles and cousins away. What you are doing is incredibly brave and self-protecting. You are fighting for justice. Do you know that pedofiles can have 30 victims?!!! Many do not stick to their own family. I give you tons of credit for taking this courageous path. But please, please remember YOU did not do this. HE did this to you and your family.

I'm sorry I have to rush but I just wanted to mention this.

**gentle hugs**

Gail

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 7:42pm
I was in your place about three years ago. I remember that fear, and it was horrible. I told. Most of my family didn't believe me. (I was actually very surprised about who believed me and who didn't. Shocked, actually. I never could have predicted the way things played out.) Most of my family no longer speaks to me. But you know what? Over the last three years, I have been gradually building a life for myself I NEVER could have had unless I told the truth. The place you're in right now was the most difficult place for me when I was going through that--so hang in there, and try to take care of yourself. I sincerely believe that good things will come for you--and possibly for the kids you're trying to protect, too. I think that your courage will be rewarded a thousand times over.

If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me! (((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 7:10am
Hi there. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Many of us (myself included) have been in this position before.

I couldn't have predicted who would react well and who wouldn't. My mom didn't believe me years ago when I told her; my sister believed me and wanted me to press charges (against our brother); and the other brother never responded.

I apologize cuz I lurk here every now and then and haven't read anything else by you, so you might have addressed some of this before. But my suggestion is: you might want to write a letter to your family. That's how I told my sister, brother, bestest friend, very good friend. My brother sent me an e-mail saying he got my letter and would write more via snail mail. He never did. About 4 years later I finally sent him a note and said I was hurt. Now, my borther is an emotional vagrant as my sis calls him. He's a good person, but just not demonstrative in feelings, etc. SO, he did write back and it was very touching and moving. He said he believed me -- he BLAMED himself for not seeing (I'm the baby of the family, sister is oldest, only brother I now have is 2nd, molester was 3rd). My bestest friend thought the same thing -- she is an only child and lived at our house while growing up. Her mom and hubby weren't surprised in the least.

Everyone reacts differently -- so be prepared. If a family member says they'll be in touch and they don't, then reach out to them and let them know how you're feeling. I'm not saying you're gonna be able to do all this overnight. My journey of telling took well over 4 years (my mom knew 25+ years ago).

As for family -- family are people who love you, support you, care for you, and are there for you. I would pick my bestest friend over my sister in a heartbeat. She and I are that close. Not that my sister and I aren't close, but she has her own issues in life to deal with (and she doesn't).

I'm debating having a baby on my own (single mom by choice) and am trying to decide if I want to move back home to be closer to my best friend (and her family) because I want her to be part of my baby's life.

The other good friend I talked is another extended family member. Her parents have 'adopted' me 15+ years ago ... I get in trouble when I don't visit or keep them up-to-date. She recently took the day off from work cuz I needed someone to drive me home after some minor surgery. When we were saying our goodbyes, I thanked her again and said something about I really appreciate it and you or something and her response was "that's what family is for". That touched me so much.

Good luck with your appointment. Even though we may not be standing right next to you physically, we are there in spirit and the gals on this board are very supportive.

Huge heart hugz to you. Stay strong.

Mia

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:29pm
You are showing so much courage. I believe you are doing the right thing.

You said that by doing this you are "selfishly protecting" your nieces and nephews. I don't believe for a minute that you are being selfish. It is because of your love for them that you are willing to risk everything you have left with your family to make sure they are safe.

I'm glad that others have written to you who have already been through this. I hope that you do find support among at least some of your family members when you tell them. I can totally understand your concern for giving your son extended family, so it's no wonder you're feeling anxious about this. You are doing the right thing, though.

I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board