Not again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2001
Not again...
5
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 5:35am
I froze. I completly froze up, total deer in the headlights routine. The evening had been nice up until then, and then out of the blue he wanted to kiss me, and I froze. He backed off, luckily, but now I don't trust him at all. My date was older than me--older than I thought--I figured something like hormones might be less of a priority. Guess I thought wrong. Now I don't ever want to see him again. I'm so distant from my emotions half the time I don't know what I'm feeling, but this was pretty clear. To think that only yesterday I was crowing over the guys I had following me--now I don't want any at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
In reply to: rosebride
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 1:09pm
I'm sorry that your date ended up like that--but I really have confidence that you can work through this. I'm sure it will take time, but just because this date ended up with you feeling like this doesn't mean that all dates in the future will always be the same. I don't have a lot of experience with this aspect of healing because I've been married to the same person for almost 14 years. But I'm sure other members here might be able to offer you some of their experiences. I'm not trying to discount your feelings about this--but I just don't like hearing you sound so discouraged! Healing is possible--that's why we're all here. I think you can work through this. (((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
In reply to: rosebride
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 1:36pm
I'm sorry you had a bad time. I don't think it will always be so,healing does come.

I have been married to the same person for 21 years so it's been many long years since I've been in your shoes,I just wanted to tell you I read your post and I'm thinking about you. I hope you continue to stop by and tell us how you are doing.

I agree with Free girl.. You can get past this ,

Hugs and peace to you,

Patti

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: rosebride
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 1:40pm
That was me the other night when the neighbors buddy invited me over for a beer(i don't know the neighbors). I just went out in the yard to yell at my dog (being a noisy puppy like now!)and get my son back in the front yard. How you felt at the moment of the intended kiss is how i feel sometimes from less, all a person has to do is try and talk to me. For some reason i can not be around some people, bad vibes i call them. But i figure they are usually right. Go with it, i belive that because we needed defenses so early and so seriously, it's a kinda ESP thing that stays with us. It's never steered me wrong that i know of. Let me tell you from experience, OLDER IS NOT SAFER! My other half is 12 yeas older, thought it would be different. It is, it's worse. Run don't walk if you have any doubts. If you can't feel safe 100% of the time he is not for you. Wish i'd of believed that sooner, but i ignored my feelings in lieu of someone that would take care of me. He does to a degree but the price is high. Few other issues in my life and i figured no one else would want me (still think so). Last night we pretty much said it all, i do my "wifely" duties for room and board. Can't stand him touching me anymore but what else am i gonna do, someone has to feed our child and i've never been able to keep a job.

Anyways, i do understand EXACTLY how you feel. Everything you said is me at one time or another. Do you have a doctor you trust? Meds can sometimes help if it's too much. I started again, Wellbutrin. Actually helps somewhat surprise surprise. At least my mood is a little better. Do you have a counsellor to talk to or therepist?n I may not be able to get back her right away. Might be on a forced hiatus, no money to pay the internet bill.

Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
In reply to: rosebride
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 1:50pm
Hugs to you Ellienad... I hope you are alright,I hope you can keep coming,

Be safe,

Patti

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
In reply to: rosebride
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 11:33pm
Hi, I wanted you to know that I read your other post as well as this one. I don't have anything to offer because I was always on the other side of the spectrum. Instead of becoming numb emotionally, I was over-emotional. I tended to be very naive and trusting in my dating because I lived in a fairy-tale fantasy world of my own making to escape reality. I was not in touch with the real world. I was waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on his white horse and scoop me up to my Happily Ever After.

Anyway, I hope you are able to work through this, and believe it's possible. Go easy on yourself, though, and take it as slowly as you need to. Be good to you. Maybe a possibility would be for you to meet a date for coffee at lunchtime or something to start with? So that it's not so much a "date" as getting to know each other casually. Sounds like you've got a lot of prospects there in Ireland! Maybe when you get asked out make the suggestion for something more casual; that way it's on your terms and you can feel safe.

Good luck as you work through this. Hugs, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board