Whats wrong with me?

Avatar for ready2go2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Whats wrong with me?
3
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 8:41pm
I saw my phyciatrist today, and the truth is I was royally ticked off when I left. I mean he is saying I have the whole post tramatic stress thing. But In my belife what happened was stupid. It was my fault. And I told him that. I just hate all these people saying that it was something wahen it wasnt' it was my stupidity!They say that it was something big enough to have affected me, but it was stuupid. What had happened to me at 12 whould have happened to alot of waitresses. So wats the biggy in my head???? Oh i just hate all this. I feel so confused. i have no one in real life to share this with who will understand. So PLEASE helP!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 12:22am
What happened to you IS a biggie. If it happened to a waitress it would be a biggie. You were only twelve, so it's even more of a biggie. Let yourself get angry over what happened to you. The things you are saying to yourself sound like the kinds of things I would say when I was still in denial. I'm sure a very big part of you doesn't want to acknowledge what happened to you, and it's easier in a way to take the blame rather than put it where it belongs, on the person who did this to you. That takes the fear away, but by shouldering responsibility you feel guilt. Given the choice between guilt and shame or remembering fear and then feeling anger, graduating to anger is a lot healthier.

I think post traumatic stress is very common when abuse has occurred, and may indeed be a big part of what is going on with you. PTSD often includes the depression, anxiety and suicidal feelings. The label isn't as important as getting to the root of what's going on. I think the SA you experienced may be doing more to your psyche than you realize. This was the case with me. I firmly believe that all my symptoms are rooted in the abuse I experienced, sexual and otherwise.

Keep pushing forward, and post as often as you need to. This is not easy, I know. We are here for you.

(((((comforting hugs))))) Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 9:29am
How could what happened to you at the tender age of 12 be your fault? No, it was not.

I to believed what happened to me was no big deal. I was very wrong. It was a very big deal and I am just dealing w/ the hurt and damage it caused me now.My assult took place 41 years ago. That is far to long to hold in pain and denial.

I hope you keep coming and sharing what you can.

This is your safe place.

Hugs and Peace to you,

Patti

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 12:08pm
Here's what I wonder: What do you have to gain and lose by thinking what happened to you was "stupid?" And what do you have to gain and lose by thinking that what happened was a significant, life-altering event?

I don't know if these questions will make sense to you--but it helps me to step back and look at things this way.