Sorry I Haven't Been Around

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sorry I Haven't Been Around
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 12:27pm
Hi All,

I am sorry I haven't been around or posted in awhile. I have been trying to get a grip on my depression and suicidal ideation and so I was doing alot of posting on those boards.The last week my depression was getting better. Yesterday I went to a retirement party for a police officer that used to work with my dad. My dad was a policeman for 25 yrs and retired in 1990. It was a nice get together and it was almost like a family reunion because I knew alot of cops there. Alot of hi how are you doing and hugs. But now that I am away from it I am having difficulty with some of my emotions. See the cop that was leaving Paul joined the force in 1981. In October 1981 is when I started being sexually abused by the counselor and it continued to August of 1984. I also saw 2 cops that investigated the abuse and I never talked to them about it since but I at times wonder did they really believe me or did they just act like it because of my dad. I am about ready to cry over this and my suicidal feelings are coming back. I wish to hell that this never happened to me. Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 11:20pm
Hey Andrea,

I'm glad you had a good time at the party for the most part. Sounds like it was triggering, though. Maybe this would be a good time to journal, since triggers often bring back vivid memories. I know that when I journal whatever's going through my head during these times it helps me to sort through where different feelings come from. Also getting it down on paper (or computer file) gets it somewhere else other than in my head, so my mind doesn't have to obsess over it to remember it. Does that make sense? I think an important part of journaling is also allowing yourself to express the fear, anger, etc.

I'm sorry that what started out as a happy time ended up with sad feelings. Maybe there is a way to get something positive out of the trigger, though. I had some awful triggers this past spring, and it gave me good opportunities to sort out *why* I was feeling the way I was. At Gail's suggestion I did the dominant/nondominant handwriting and it was very eye-opening. I came through with more insight.

Keep hanging in there! It's good to have you back! Come as often as you need to, hon.

Love, Heidi


co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board