iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:49am
I am having thoughts of suicide and I did see my therapist today and told her. I contracted for safety and she told me to post for extra support. I wrote about the party on friday. Well, it is triggering me and I feel so worthless and no matter how much i wash myself I will never be clean. Sorry all! Don't mean to drag anyone down. Feel bad about posting here as I don't deserve support. Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 1:01pm
I know what you mean about feeling unworthy of support. I have felt that way, too. And yet you still posted! That's wonderful. That is progress, and I hope you acknowledge that to yourself. In OA, we call what you just did acting "as if." So even though you didn't feel worthy of support, you posted "as if" you were worthy of support. (And you are!) When we act "as if" we put right actions first and trust that right feelings will follow.

I'm sorry that you're feeling suicidal right now. I think many of us (if not all!) have been there. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings at all--but I think it's important to remember that the feeling passes. All you have to do is get through it. I know you will.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 2:29pm
I'm new here Andrea and I don't know you...But I'll keep you in my prayer time tonight.

That is something I guess, I hope this diffacult time passes soon for you.

Stay safe,

gentle hugs,



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 3:18pm
NOT TRUE! You deserve ever bit of support and help you want and need. If i do and anyone else on here does so do you! We all share the same story with different variations but the results are always the same. You say you have a therepist have you ever seen an actual phyciatrist? My therepist thinks this is a great idea for me and now i'm waiting to talk to mental health (all free of course i have no money).

as to the triggering, i don't know why but my anxiety was at an alltime resistant high the last couple days adn sunshine helped. I went out and started some big time yardwork. Cleared my head for at least a bit. Can you maybe take some time out in the yard with something comforting? Crayons and coloring work actually pretty good for me too. Good luck hun, please take something of your bad emotions and use them to fan a fire to stay alive. Sometimes i need my anger to keep me going. Try it, get mad. If we can get mad then there's still a part of us that wants more. Take Care Hun & PLEASE Stay Safe,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:46am

I'm glad you posted that you need the support. You DO deserve it, so don't feel bad for asking for it. I've been wondering how you're doing, so it was good to hear from you.

Remember that you have people here who care about you, and you can come here any time. No apologies!! ;o) It's a rough road, I know. Been there, still fight it at times. It can be such an overwhelming feeling, and it feels awful. Stick to your safety contract, even if in the moment you don't want to follow what it says. You are important and precious, and deserve to pull through this.

Have you tried journaling about what happened with the party? I think that's a good way to sort out the emotions, identify the triggers, etc. Even though it doesn't fix it I believe it's an effective way to lighten the load that's on your mind. The paper or computer can carry that for you and you can go back over it for reference when you need to.

(((((gentle hugs))))), Heidi


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