Question about therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Question about therapy
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 7:38am
I have been going to therapy now for about 4 weeks. The whole session we seem to talk about small stuff, when I do break into the real issues she seems to kinda ignore it ,maybe thats alittle harsh, I cant really explain how she acts. I know that we dont discuss these issues in very much detail, and that upsets me a little. Do my expectations seem to high? I just thought I could go in there, deal with it, get some insight & answers, finally be the person I want to be & get over it. Guess that isnt going to happen is it?

Anyway, my question is this, does it really take this long? I mean is this just a "getting to know your & your issues" routine?

I know that I dont post here alot, Im still trying to be "comfortable" with this. I feel like when I do talk about this, people will see me as trying to get attention. Here & in life. Im still grappling with the whole "was I really abused" thing. Im not even really sure. I know that I have a few memories that are really disturbing & just have "that feeling". But as to who it is, I havent the slightest idea, it could be brothers, my uncle, grandfather, or he** even my father, which may also explain a few things. I hate the not knowing, I am a very curious & ok, nosy person, not to mention wanting to be in control of the situation, so this is rather annoying to me that I dont know anything.

I will post in the "My story" section with what I do remember. Its just nice to have a little understanding and comforting, ya know? I brought this up with the one brother I dont see as a suspect, and he basically defended my other 2 brothers, not mention my DH spoke with him about it (two seperate & not related conversations) & he defended them to him also.

Im sorry, Im rambling. I dont talk or open up much but when I do its like some one left the gate open, so to speak.;)



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 8:38am
hi Char,

I don't know if I should be responding or not. I am new to this board, but not to t.

And yes, it does take time. It takes time for the t to get to know you and you to get to know the t. A lot of seemingly unimportant stuff can come out, like how you responfd to things, patterns of the past, stuff like that, that may not seem to be connected to the "problem". It took a lot of years to get here and usually the process isn't one to be rushed.

Yes, it can get frustrating. Talk to your t about it, about the pace, and how you're feeling. And stick with it.

I hope I'm not out of line responding to you. If so, I'm sorry and I'll go away.

Take care, and best of luck.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 11:53am
I agree with Nancy--therapy takes time. But it is SO worth it! I understand how you feel, though, about wanting a solution right away. I used to feel that way, too. Every week I thought I would finally get *the* answers to everything, and I hated my blotchy memory, too. I have come to accept it, though. I've been in individual and then group therapy for a total of three years now, and I think I will continue group therapy for awhile longer. I hope to be in OA for the rest of my life.

One thing I wondered--you seemed to say that there were issues you want to discuss that your T. glosses over. Would it help, do you think, to write down a list of a few things you want to discuss and bring them in to your next session? Just hand her the list and say these are the things I would like to discuss today . . . Just a thought! Keep posting here! You're not hogging attention--you're working through your issues, and in doing so, you're bound to shed some light for others who are working through their own issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 2:24pm
I can't tell you anything about therapy Char, I've nerer been. But I can relate to what you said about thinking you are tring to "get attention" for youself . I think that is what this board is for sweetie, for you and me and all of us to have the attention we all want and deserve. You don't have to feel that way here no one will think that of you.Please keep coming and posting.We all need each other.

I try to come everyday, that ain't always easy.

Hope that helped.

Hugs and Peace to you,



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 3:33pm
I think i'm going to have to go against the tide on this one; perhaps you do not have the right therepist for you. Perhaps you need more then a therepist. let me tell you why i say this, when i started my healing journey again, my therepist explained that we need to find the "right" person to help us. I was asked repeatedly if i felt ok dealing and sharing with the people that have been helping me. I've been to more than one therepist and they were not all the best for me, we need to remember that these people are human and capable of making an error. Now considering the amount of memory loss you have, i'm wondering why you are seeing just a therepist. They can only help you work through things, give you coping mechanisms, support you and generally help you see where things went wrong.

When i mentioned to my therepist that i had never seen a proffesional phyciatrist before, only therepists, she just about leaped out of her seat with joy. She KNOWS i need more than what she can give me. Maybe i'm really lucky because she was once a victim and is now a fully functioning survivor. So anyways, the point is is doctors, therepists and even shrinks are all human, have and will make mistakes. We have to trust that if we are not comfortable with our situation that we CAN look for other help. Do not put therepists on pedestals, they are only human and it's not fair to them to think they are perfect. Too much pressure.

Now, she/he could be good for you and just working at a slow pace, but i really think it's likely you need more then just a therepist. I belive we should all see a phychiatrist at l east once in our live because only THEY can diagnose and perscribe. What if there's BPD, PTSD, or MPD issues? Your therepist can not help you there. Neither can a GP, only a shrink. Good Luck & Stay Safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 2:46am
Excellent point! I agree completely. Thanks for pointing this out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:36am
Char--First off, please don't ever feel that you need to apologize for posting. We all need to be acknowledged and no one will think ill of you for any of your posts. You talk all you need to! That's why the board is here. You can only get suggestions and input if you tell us what's going on and/or ask questions. Don't ever hesitate!

I'm sorry that your brother reacted the way he did to the information you shared with him. That took a lot of trust on your part to do that and I'm sure you were hoping his support would validate the truth of what happened to you. Please keep pushing forward, though. You deserve it!

I know what you mean about therapy; my thoughts go both ways. It does take time to establish a therapist/client relationship, so from that standpoint it's good to have that groundwork. However, I think that issues can be addressed WHILE establishin a repoire. There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to bring up the issues that are bothering you. That is why you are there. I liked the suggestion for writing down what you'd like to discuss in your next session. If she still skirts around it, I would ask her point-blank why she doesn't seem to want to discuss it. Therapists all have different philosophies; some don't believe in digging into the past and choose to acknowledge current symptoms. I personally disagree with that, because my past has a huge impact on how I am now; how I perceive things, interact with others, react to things, etc. That is also where the roots of my depression and anxiety are. Anyway, my point is that asking her candidly why she won't address it with you will give you insight into what her attitude and philosophy are. If they don't match up with what you need from her, you'd probably be better off looking for a better fit.

I'll look forward to hearing where you go with this. Good luck! Hugs, Heidi


co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:48am
Nancy, I'm glad you responded to Char! No way were you out of line and I hope you *don't* go away! We all have something to offer others here, so please always feel free to offer what you have.

Hugs, Heidi


co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 7:34am
Hi Nancy,

Thank you for posting a reply to me. You were not out of line, please dont think that.

Just because you are new doesnt mean your not "worthy" of posting yet. Also, thank you for your insight, it does help when someone responds even if it is just a few lines or one helpful sentence. It makes us feel listened to & heard, not to mention understood were we are with this "problem".

Nancy, dont apologize for posting. Like someone responded to me, thats what this place is for. I hope you dont go away, we'd miss you :).

Thank You, & ((hugs)) to you,