Having problems with fear *poss trigger*

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Having problems with fear *poss trigger*
5
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:15pm
Hello, I haven't posted here in a while but something has come up, and of course I'm at work and I share office space so I can't call anybody so I'm turning to the board. Part of my story involves sexual abuse, but I was also raped when I was 20. I ran into this man shortly after moving to Chicago in a bar a block and a half from my house. My mother emailed me to let me know that there have been four rapes reported in the Wicker Park area (which I live close to). The weirdest thing about this case is that somebody must have said he looked sort of like Ice Cube and so the news ran a picture of him and had to recant it and apologize. Now my problem is the guy who raped me and I don't know if he lives in my neighborhood, I hope he doesn't, but I know he has friends in the area. So now I'm wondering if it is him. I walk past a police station on my way home every day and I am thinking about stopping in and seeing a sketch just to put my mind at ease. So not only is this all hitting too close to home, but I'm being paranoid. I just feel so guilty that the guy got off free and possibly could be doing this again. Except he wasn't the jump out of the bushes type of rapist. I just need to screw up the courage to go to the police station and set my mind at ease, but I'm afraid they are going to think I'm nutty.

Enfleurage
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:57pm
Hey, nice to see you again!

Do it!! What is more important, putting your mind at ease or what some cop thinks? And truly I doubt anyone would consider you nutty. That's their job, to protect you. Please, just go over there and check it out. It's not worth the pain and anxiety that's building inside of you. That feeling of dread must be awful. Again, please go and check. Let us know, too.

I'm thinking of you.

Gail

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 10:00pm
Whew! No wonder you're feeling afraid--I would, too. I probably wouldn't be functioning at all in your shoes.

I say, definitely go in and take a look. You'll either set your mind at ease or have more info for the police as a result of it.

And go easy on yourself; no normal person *wouldn't* feel the way you are in your situation. Do you still run into the guy who did this to you? I wasn't here when you posted before so I don't know the situation as far as police involvement, etc.

Let us know what happens. Be good to you! Hugs, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 11:26am
Thanks so much, you and Opal are right, it doesn't matter what people think, it only matters that I put my mind at ease. I wussed out on it yesterday but after reading your posts I'm going to stop by on my way home from work today.

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 12:29pm
Great! Please let us know how it goes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 1:25pm
I should have written you yesterday. I just wanted to say that i went to the RCMP here to report me father (he has access to grand kids now) and while the time leading up to the appt was terribly anxiety ridden, the actual experience was more of an immense relief. Things have changed somewhat now a days and the police tend to be a lot more informed now. The officer i talked with was very sympathetic (as much as any officer is allowed to be) and acknowledgement of what i went through by someone of authority, even if unproven yet, was a tremendous relief. i know it is there job to believe us and all but it still felt great and i think sometimes we forget they ARE there to help us. And they have let me down before when i was 11, so they kinda trigger me anyways. Anyways, hope you found the kind of support at your police station as i found in reporting to mine. Good Luck and remember it's not your fault even if it IS him that's doing that stuff. HE has freedom of will just as we all do, you can not and do not have to be responsible for it. You did not hurt anybody hun, please remember that, it's not your fault. Take care and stay safe.

Danielle.