What's wrong with me?? Feeling bad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What's wrong with me?? Feeling bad...
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 11:25am
Hi all,

I've had a very stressful summer. I have my two boys home, one's seven and the other's two. Tough ages for me. I feel like an incompetent mother. I feel like a horrible wife. I just feel bad all around. We've been house hunting all summer, and that's stress in itself. We have no support so we have to take the boys everywhere and I'm worn out. We decided to build a home and it should be ready by Dec. but our lease is up where we are now and so we have to go move to an apartment that does month to month. I'm totally dreading this. Otherwise, we would have had to resign a year's lease where we are at. So we will have to move twice. Now I don't even know if I like the place where we are building. What's wrong with me? Nothing makes me happy, I'm yelling all the time at my husband and kids. I thought since I'm working on my issues, this would get better but it's not. I have so many things to do but can't seem to get any of them started.

If anyone else is feeling this way, please share what may help me.


Amy -

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 12:46pm
I think I can relate to what you're going through! Moving is stressful, and I am at my crankiest every time we move. (This summer will bring move #14 in 14 years for us--dh is military!)

Also, I think that once we start digging up the past, things get harder before they get easier. It is hard work to sift through all of this stuff, even if you're not doing something stressful like moving twice! You're being taxed on every possible level--mental, physical, emotional, and probably spiritual. You're exhausted! It's no wonder you're feeling cranky and irritable. You need rest! I wonder if there's a way that you could get more help or just find some time to rest? Do you think your family could pick up some extra tasks? I have recently turned some of the cleaning duties over to my kids (ages 9 and almost 7) and let me tell you--what a relief for me, and they actually feel very proud of themselves for contributing to the family. It's been great all around.

I don't know if this will help--but I understand & I hope you get some rest soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 5:33pm
Hi, Amy--

I agree with what freegirl said, all around. I know that dealing with my stuff has just made everything else more difficult to deal with. And moving is major stress! I can't think of much I hate more. Knowing you're going to have to do it twice within 6 months is that much worse, I am sure. My immediate suggestion for moving woes would be to keep as much packed as you can when you move to your new apartment. That way you'll have less to deal with when you move the next time. It's still a pain, though.

Do you have any drop-in daycares where you live? We have one next to a gym where people drop off their kids while they workout, but you can use them for other times, too, for up to three hours. They charge an hourly rate. You bring their lunch/snacks, etc. and they have a big play area, TV/VCR, etc. We used this for our date nights when we moved back home because my mom was not someone we felt comfortable leaving the kids with, and because we were living with her at the time, calling teenage babysitters was awkward. The kids loved it because it was a night out for them, too, and there were other kids to play with. My SIL uses them during the day when she shops. I mention this as a possible option since you mentioned you don't have support. Maybe take them once a week and use that block of time just for YOU. It's amazing how rejuvenating "me time" can be!

Go easy on yourself; you are dealing with a lot right now. Keep hanging in there!

Hugs, Heidi


co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 1:08pm
OH YEAH! you just described my life (except i don't own anything & i'll be renting for a long time to come). I have only one child but, yes, i feel too that he deserves better. my other half, well, he made his choices i won't be held responsible (i warned him). i too have no support, not even my sons father ever watches him for me unless i have a therepy or Dr's appt.

as to getting things done, well i never even did my taxes this year never mind try and keep my house clean. Sometimes i can't even shower for a week. My dog does not get walked (thank God for a fenced decent sized yard) and there is lots of things i never get done (most everything). Yelling is my first language and the only time i'm happy is when my heart allows itself to feel how much i love my son. So you are definately not alone. So just so you know, you are not alone. Take care & Safe Days,