I am uneasy about posting this

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
I am uneasy about posting this
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 6:32pm
Ok. I don't know if I should tell everyone this. I feel so vulnerable(like someone is going to find out) I am so nervous.

I am married and still a virgin.(telling myself to relax cuz this is very hard) I believe something happened to me as a baby. Something was put in my vagina and I am scared to death about having anything go in me. I am in my late 30's. My husband and I have a great relationship(sexual and nonsexual). He knows about my abuse and will do whatever it takes to help me. I have not had a gyn in 9 years. I tried about 3 years ago and freaked out when the Dr. touched me there.

My question is am I alone? I guess I want reassurance that there are other women out there that have this problem. I feel like a freak cuz I can't get passed this. I have tried hypnosis and counseling. (still in counseling)

My husband would not cheat on me but it is so unfair to him. I have this in my head that I will never be able to have intercourse. We have tried but when it gets to far I panic a little and move it. I have other issuse with the m/f bodies but I will start with this.

Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 11:18am
I think it took a lot of courage to post this & I think that kind of courage is just what you need to work your way through these issues. I'm glad to hear that you're in counseling. I'm wondering if you have read the book _The Sexual Healing Journey_. It's very comprehensive & I think it might help you. You mention that your dh deserves a "normal" sex life--but I just wanted to point out that YOU deserve a fulfilling sex life, too. I admire your willingness to share this & to work on this. (((hugs)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 12:50pm
Hi, glad you found the courage to post. Now first is first, do you have outside support? My suggestion would be to make sure you have proffessional counsselling in place, it's very important. We can support you but as far as i know, no one here is proffesionally trained.

Now as to go about finding help, i have found Victims Services to be the best route so far. In both US and Canada it is avilable free of charge to any victim of a crime. If they can not help you (for example the crime was too long ago) they can probably help you find resources. If you want i would be glad to help if any of this is not suitable. i've found links & sites for others, even emailed on their behalf and so far have found them help (that i know of) every time. I belive we all need proffessional guidance and that we desrve it; my goal is to make sure anyone who wants it can find it. So please, if i can be of any help just ask. I think my email is on my profile if you'd like to mail direct. Good Luck & Stay Safe,