hehas got away with it (trigger i think)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
hehas got away with it (trigger i think)
4
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 7:12pm
hi everyone

well i am back, and on friday i went to a funeral(sister-

inlaws) mum how i looked after when see fist came to

england after her hursband died in south-afiaca.

but with all the things that has happened to me in the

last through months, friday was the last straw, i was so upset

i cried for most of the day, when we got home i felt drawened i

have to amite i did have some drink(brandy) but did not know i had

it, jim put a small bit with lots of coke. well we watched some tv

and i took my sleeping pill and was ready to go to bed about 2am,

the next time i remember the police was there and i was somewere els

and my arm was red with blood(dont worry not alot) there was a lot of

broussing and puffyness and all i could do is say that she was deied and

say that my dad had sexurly abouse me when i was younger and ofcause i was

crying as well. the found out were i had come from and took me home and i was

saying the same thing over and over again an cring, when they got me jim was worried

and they talled to him with me there i was so upset that i made jim upset

i felt so giulety. they said that they could not do anything because we had no

profe and even if we did they still could not do anything because my dad

would say that i have got a menial condishen so that was that,that was Thames

Valley Police(Berkshire).

then jim took me to the hospital in Reading, and a nurse so me and then i so a

(dont no if i have spelled it right)physchiatrist he talk to to me for

about 3 hours and jim and i were very tied by then, he was in there with

me but he could not say anythink unless he said so, i tolled him everythink

and even he said that my dad could not get dun. but he is going to get me

therapy for me, and he said that jim or anyone that i know(not on the net)

should not tell me off or blackmail me into not hurting myself(jim), i felt

so much better when he said that, but he is going to get me into therapy

for it. but he said when i tolled him about the net he said keep it up.

but it looks like he has got away with it

but i feel a lot better that i wrote it down

sorry it is so long i hope i did not boar you or

make you fall asleep, but i will tell you the

hole story later.

catherine















iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 9:02pm
Oh, Catherine--

What an ordeal. As I read your post some of the details weren't clear to me, so I hope you won't mind my asking for some clarification. It sounded like you woke up at your Dad's place and didn't know how you got there, and then he abused you. Am I correct? At any rate, obviously this was very traumatic for you.

Is Jim your husband? He sounds like he loves you very much and is concerned about you. I'm glad that he took you to the hospital and that you were able to be seen. Are you going to be seeing the same psychiatrist, or is he arranging it with someone else? Make sure that you go to all your appointments; it sounds like you are in a dangerous state right now, and being seen regularly can really help you. Do you take other medications besides your sleeping pill? Both my husband and I are on anti-depressants and it helps a lot with managing the emotions. That doesn't mean the emotions go away, but the medicine makes it easier to cope.

As far as hurting yourself, even though the psych said that no one should tell you off or blackmail you into not hurting yourself, it's very important that you have a safety plan. That way if you get into a state where you DO want to hurt yourself, you and Jim and others in your life already have an agreement on what they can do to help you. Can you talk about that together now, so that if something triggers you later, you already have a plan in place? I would hate for more hurtful things to happen to you.

You didn't bore me and I did not fall asleep; I am worried about you, though. I hope that you start feeling better. I'm glad that you decided to talk here, and I'm glad that you felt better after getting it out. I think that helps a lot. I'll be thinking of you and sending my best wishes out to you. Love and (((((gentle, healing hugs))))), Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 9:54am
hi heidi

i got picked up 3/4miles away from home

on the road side.

i wont see the man at the hospital i will

go to Wokingham Mental Health Servise place

i am not looking forward to it they scare

me there,i have been there before and they

did not beleve me.

yes jim is my hubby and carer.

sorry about the spelling

and if i have put think the

wrong way i am disletics

i dont even no if i have spelled

that wright

catherine

thank-you for reading it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 10:36am
Hi, i just want to say dyslexic or not you came across clear enough for me and certainly not boring. And i also want to say shame on your police. I'm lucky in Canada, the police here know they are not judges and don't try to be. When i went in and told they told me it was not there job to say it happened or not, but he was nice enough to tell me he did anyways. They told me that it's there job to collect evidence and investigate allegations, it's the courts who judge. I'm very sorry you were subjected to such ignorance after all you've been through.

So i have to ask, the "attempt", was that during a period of dissassociation? Like as in were you "gone" as in unconciously cutting? That's what it sounded like in your first post and with finding yourself a distance away it sounds like dissassociation. I'm curious because i've begun to think that nobody ever gets past it without proffessional help. I've started thinking that conciuosly or not our bodies and minds know that this needs to be purged from our system and will do it with or without our help in the form of things like that.

Anyways, i'm just curious and very sorry to hear that things have gotten so bad before you get the help you deserve. Take care and stick with it. Hopefully there's at least a few good souls at the Mental Health place; i'm awaiting my refferal here by the way. Take care and Safe Days,

Danielle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 10:57pm
Hi Catherine,

I'm glad you wrote back. Again, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I can't even imagine how frightened you must have been when you woke up.

I hope that the folks at the mental health place will be more understanding this time and take you seriously. Things are hard enough for you at the moment without them making it worse.

And don't worry about the spelling or whatever; you express yourself just fine.

Remember that you have people here who care about you and want you to be safe. Come here and post often! I would love to hear more about your husband: how you met, how long together, etc.

Sending more (((hugs))) your way, Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board