How's everyone doing? Been quiet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
How's everyone doing? Been quiet
6
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 12:25am
here lately! I hope that's a good sign of being busy and out in the sunshine! Let us know how you are.

Love to all, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 10:40pm
Sooooo tired. Road trip for vacation. Drove 3800 miles to see sights never seen by me before. Too cool, too. South Dakota. Custer State Park. Badlands. Crazy Horse Memorial and Mount Rushmore. Plus lots in between. Would you believe Corn Palace? Large auditorium with murals made of dried corn on the cob nailed to the walls. Absolutely NO "work on issues".

Then work. Catching up. Busy, the rest of the office is on vacation this week, so - I've got the office pretty much to mysself. Very nice.

Garden has come in too. Lots of green beans, okra, squash. Tomatos and corn soon. Probably will can veggies this weekend. And sleep - lots.

Deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 1:49am
Deb, that sounds like a WONDERFUL vacation! That is one we have been wanting to do with the kids. I have always wanted to see Mount Rushmore. Are the other sites advertised pretty well when you get there, or did you have to do a lot of homework before you went?

You sound like the kind of gardener I want to be! It doesn't come naturally, and I have had a couple of years of fiascos (started three years ago; small plot). My cucumbers and tomatoes are doing well this year, though. My daughter says I've graduated from black thumb (kiss of death) to yellow thumb. My green beans, yellow squash and zucchini didn't do anything. Did you grow up with this, or develop it later? How long have you been gardening? I canned peaches and tomatoes two years ago; will probably do more in late Aug. and Sept. My cucumbers are pickling ones and I have six plants, so I'm hoping each one will yield a lot at the same time so I can make pickles! You have to can them the same day you pick them, so I'm not sure if it'll work or not.

Hope you're able to get caught up on work okay! Make sure you put your feet up and get some "me" time in, too! Glad you're back.

Hugs, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:42pm
Popping in to say that I'm doing fine! Dh is home (HOORAY! WHOOPEE!) and we are getting re-acquainted. It's a little different this time, for me. I keep feeling this weird sense of a change of balance. I feel like I became a real person (like Pinocchio, but a woman instead of a boy LOL) and that this has changed my perspective, and so dh who used to look like some kind of superhero to me now seems like a regular man. It's very weird and disconcerting. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone--it's nothing I can pinpoint, but I feel it nonetheless. I think it will ultimately be good, because I think that my perspectives on us are healthier than the old ones, but in a way I feel guilty for "demoting" him. (He says he likes this better, btw. He always felt a little pressured by the cape and the big "S" on his chest. LOL) Has anyone else here gone through this kind of adjustment? I think it would have been more gradual if he had been home the last six months. But I've done a lot with OA and AMAC since he left--A LOT. And I feel very different now.

One good thing is that I attended an OA meeting last night. I was afraid I would slip in my program once he got home, but I'm still making it a priority. Before the last six months, I would have prioritized spending every last second with dh when he got home, but I took two hours last night for ME and went to a meeting. Small things like that are what I mean when I say I feel like I've changed. Lots of small things.

Our packers come on Monday, and we're getting ready for move #14 in less than 14 years. I took all the curtains down yesterday, and today we ship my car and pick up the rental. Moving is so stressful. *sigh*

I hope everyone else is doing well. That sounds like quite a couple of gardens you two have going! Awesome! :o}

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 4:37pm
Woo-hoo! I'm so glad your dh is home safe and sound. And I think it's AWESOME that you still kept with your schedule and took that time for yourself. I have also dropped things for other people for most of my life, and am still learning to give myself some priority.

The changes you describe in yourself sound wonderful. I hope that I can get to that point, too. I am thinking about joining an OA group, too--not sure if there's a chapter here, but it's time to shed some of this weight and I know that a weight-loss program alone won't help me.

I have experienced change in balance, but not with my dh. I've experienced that in my relationship with my mom. I'm not the little girl anymore who needs to look for her okay or tread lightly so she doesn't get mad. I'm a co-adult, and it's okay for me to disagree or have different views. Making that switch was hard for me, and I still haven't completely "unhooked" emotionally, but it fits better now. And she does treat me with a lot more respect. I know that's not the same thing you're describing, but it's the closest I can relate to! I'm glad your husband likes the growth you've achieved, instead of feeling threatened by it. That just shows how much he loves you!

Good luck with the move; my, you have done a lot of it! I don't think I could handle that much myself. It sounds like you're handling it well, though. Hawaii to Canada--that's quite a switch! Will you miss Hawaii? My dh lived there for two years (army brat) and loved it. He still talks about it. He lived in Scofield (sp?) Barracks. The only thing bad was that he got beat up at the public jr. high for being a "howlie" (sp?) so much that his parents moved him to a private Lutheran school. He liked the private school.

How are your kids adjusting to Daddy being home?

Hugs, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 12:38pm
Congratulations. DH being home is great, I'm sure. Big adjustment, probably. He's probably changed, too. I can relate to the superhero hubby. Problem on our end was when he lost the big S, he was a goat for a while. He wasn't too keen on that, and I can't blame him. I was a real pill to live with for a while. Went from very, very easygoing and mellow - to total witch with a big B. I'm proud to say I think I've modulated it a little. I'm sort of easy going but I can be a witch when I choose. Pick my battles better. One thing. Once upon a time - EVERYTHING was "my fault" in my head. Something I did caused all bad things. Now, we joke that it's "his fault". It was his fault we turned the wrong way in the Badlands last week, even though I was driving. He wasn't paying attention to where I was going!!!!

I understand the feeling real part too. I felt like I was playing a game and everyone but me new the rules. I only feel like that occasionally now. Usually when things are not going well, and I'm anticipating another bout of that soon. When we got back from our vacation, IRS notice was in the mailbox for failure to pay taxes (my fault, I missed a notice a couple of years ago and screwed up)and State letter about notice to evict for my husband's fledgling business. State wants the property to widen the road. We've known about it as a future happening but they kicked in high gear while we were gone. Reckon telling about it now could help prevent my future bout with unreality???

How cool to get to live in so many places. Hawaii must be awesome. Going from that climate to Canadian climate will be a challenge I bet. New wardrobes for everyone?? I didn't realize military had a station in Canada. My friend from work has a son stationed in Tikrit, right now. She is worried sick. I can't blame her. Watching the news, I find myself wondering if that is him in the picture. I know all the men over there are someone's son and just can't fathom the enormity of it all. I find I just pray for all the women's sons.

My garden is a somewhat recent thing. My original family couldn't grow a weed. No nurturing skills whatsoever. My DH's family grew up on a farm and we did a little of the farming stuff when we got married. Plus we were a little on the broke side most of the thime and the food comes in handy. Only in the last few years have I really come attached to my garden and the gardening IS me time. Pulling weeds and nurturing the plants to flower and grow fruit is a fulfilling experience. Canning the veggiees is awesome too. Getting to see all the "fruits of my labor" lined up on the counter and then on the shelves is very fulfilling. Eating them in the winter is very good too. Good veggies when grocery store stuff is the pits, lower grocery store bills and the feeling of accomplishment have come a long way towards making the garden important to me.

One of the things I really enjoy is doing things myself. Like canning food. Like cutting wood for our fireplace. Warms us twice!! ONce when cutting and once when burning. Crafts. Old time taking care of myself type stuff. I have cane to recane a rocking chair, when I get to it. I have a habit of starting about 4 or 5 projects at one time, and working on one a while, dropping it and going to another. I do eventually finish most of them. My DH and I built a horse cart. Two wheeled, one horse cart. Except, I wrecked it. The leather strap on the harness broke, she got frightend and ran and I fell off. Or rather the seat I was sitting on came unscrewed and it and I fell off. I was holding on to that seat for dear life!!

My life today is Nothing like my life and family growing up. My family always just bought whatever they wanted and needed when I was little. My mom does crafts but more as a way to pass the time than to have something made herself. I know she did not grow up that way, but that's the way I did. My dad is somewhat inept at things. I feel a strong connection to things that other people have made and put part of themselves into. I don't really know how to explain that one. My mom has a couple of blankets or afghans and I'm awed by them. One was hand woven by her mom's grandmother. Another was crocheted by my grandmother. And the third was hooked by my grandmother's Canadian neighbor, and part of it was from the black robe (sorry if these are the wrong words) of her brother who was a Catholic Priest. They are all beautiful

Sorry for the rambling. Okay, maybe not sorry for it, it's the way I am. But thanks for being there to "hear" it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 2:58pm
I know what you mean about having made something yourself. I do some quilting from time to time and make little things like curtains and stuff like that. It feels really good to have things I made myself surrounding me. One of my favorite things is a coaster I use on my desk--it's a quilted folded star.

And thanks for the feedback about your dh going from a superhero to something considerably lower. I'm afraid I might be going through that second stage now. He's really getting on my nerves--mostly about me having to give up control of my time and space. It'll be nice to move because we'll get a bigger house in Canada. I feel horribly guilty about feeling this way since he's been gone so long, but it is an adjustment, and I keep telling myself to try to do my best one day at a time. I don't remember ever having this hard of a time re-adjusting to being together again. We've only done this twice before, and one of those times our ds was born the day after dh got home, and the other time I was in full blown emergency stage and was grateful to have someone take over with the kids so I could just survive day to day. So this really feels like new ground. It's making me nervous, though.