Thank you and an update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thank you and an update
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 6:20pm
Thank you to Heidi and ellienad for your response and to all those who took the time to read my story.

Here's how it all turned out. Later that same night I called my mom to find out where my dd was sleeping. She asked if she would be fine alone in the downstairs guest room and I said she probably would be scared. Then my mom said she would put her on the main floor guest room in the room next to hers. I just came right out and said I wasn't comfortable with that and why. My mom and I had the most open and honest conversation in our lives--and neither of us got too caught up in our emotions which if you knew me is good b/c I tend to lose sight of the current issues when I get too emotional. She assured me as best she could that the situation would not be a problem. That what happened then (20 years ago) was a different relationship, time, age, etc. I agreed but told her I was still concerned. Her next answer was not specific but she said they have talked about it many times and it will NOT happen again. I am thinking she made some sort of reference of what she might do if it did. She told me that she is sorry that she wasn't there to protect me. (Everything happened in the middle of the night, she never knew a thing.) She told me that my dd will be solely her responsibility. She mentioned that at 73, his sexual habits have changed, actually gone away, as he deals with side effects of cancer medication. I felt a huge sense of relief and although my dd is there now, I am not completely at ease and can't wait to see her and look for any kind of unusaul things in her behavior. All of this has helped me to trust a bit more and that makes everyone's life easier.

I wanted to share with all of you what the final outcome was. I am proud of myself as a mom for speaking up to protect my child. I am thrilled that my mom and I had such as open conversation b/c we have had trouble communicating in the last 3 years. Thank you so much for being here. I am so glad I had this place to go to sort it all out and give me the confidence to move forward, overcome my fears and help my family to heal.

Forever grateful,


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 1:22pm
Well, i hope all goes well and the medication really has disabled him. How many kids do you think we all belive our abusers have harmed? Just us? Maybe one or two more? I heard something terribly frightening last night on tv; pedophiles (uncaught) abuse approxomitly 150 kids in their life, if caught around 65. Now i don't know whats going on there or where they get their numbers from but it's a very frightening thought to think so many kids could slip through a parents protection knowingly or not. I'm scared to leave my son with people i know have never been abusive, i have SERIOUS trust issues now. My folks are coming for a visit on the weekend actually. They'll travel 6 hours to get here and only stay a couple. George (my other half) can't believe they only ever visit for a couple of hours (always been that way) but i say "hey, it works for me!" It's as close as they will ever get to my child. Your parents should count themselves very lucky. You can tell them i said so if you want, not all children are as forgiving as you. I'm working on getting rid of them completely. They are just lucky my Grandma is still alive or i would not even bother pretending anymore. Anyways, i'm rambling now.

I just wanted to say i'm glad you have so much strength and that at least your mother gave you what many can not, acknowledgement. I hope and pray that the cycle ends with you so your children, my child and everyone else's kids can live in a world with innocence. Good luck & Safe Days,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:36am
Hey Debbie,

I'm glad you were able to have that talk with your mom, and that you had the courage to speak your mind. That opened things up to having an honest conversation with her.

I hope that your daughter has a wonderful time and that your parents do indeed respect your wishes. By the way, please don't beat yourself up for being emotional. Even though it was a different time, this is a very valid issue. Don't ever apologize for speaking your mind on this.

Again, congratulations on using so much courage. I am very happy for you!

Hugs, Heidi


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