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| Mon, 08-04-2003 - 6:20pm |
Here's how it all turned out. Later that same night I called my mom to find out where my dd was sleeping. She asked if she would be fine alone in the downstairs guest room and I said she probably would be scared. Then my mom said she would put her on the main floor guest room in the room next to hers. I just came right out and said I wasn't comfortable with that and why. My mom and I had the most open and honest conversation in our lives--and neither of us got too caught up in our emotions which if you knew me is good b/c I tend to lose sight of the current issues when I get too emotional. She assured me as best she could that the situation would not be a problem. That what happened then (20 years ago) was a different relationship, time, age, etc. I agreed but told her I was still concerned. Her next answer was not specific but she said they have talked about it many times and it will NOT happen again. I am thinking she made some sort of reference of what she might do if it did. She told me that she is sorry that she wasn't there to protect me. (Everything happened in the middle of the night, she never knew a thing.) She told me that my dd will be solely her responsibility. She mentioned that at 73, his sexual habits have changed, actually gone away, as he deals with side effects of cancer medication. I felt a huge sense of relief and although my dd is there now, I am not completely at ease and can't wait to see her and look for any kind of unusaul things in her behavior. All of this has helped me to trust a bit more and that makes everyone's life easier.
I wanted to share with all of you what the final outcome was. I am proud of myself as a mom for speaking up to protect my child. I am thrilled that my mom and I had such as open conversation b/c we have had trouble communicating in the last 3 years. Thank you so much for being here. I am so glad I had this place to go to sort it all out and give me the confidence to move forward, overcome my fears and help my family to heal.
Forever grateful,
debbie
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I just wanted to say i'm glad you have so much strength and that at least your mother gave you what many can not, acknowledgement. I hope and pray that the cycle ends with you so your children, my child and everyone else's kids can live in a world with innocence. Good luck & Safe Days,
Danielle.
I'm glad you were able to have that talk with your mom, and that you had the courage to speak your mind. That opened things up to having an honest conversation with her.
I hope that your daughter has a wonderful time and that your parents do indeed respect your wishes. By the way, please don't beat yourself up for being emotional. Even though it was a different time, this is a very valid issue. Don't ever apologize for speaking your mind on this.
Again, congratulations on using so much courage. I am very happy for you!
Hugs, Heidi
co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board