Should I let him go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Should I let him go?
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 3:41pm
After I left my abusive husband, I started seeing my old boyfriend from high school. Things were going great until I started to panic. I told him that things were going to fast and it was too hard on me. I wanted to just be friends for a while. He is in the National Guard and he was on active duty about a 2 hour drive from here. He called me and asked me to come see him and I refused. Then he called to tell me that he was shipping out to Kuwait in 6 weeks. I sent him a birthday package and 2 letters and left messages on his cell and he never wrote or called me back, not even on my birthday. I talked to his mother since I thought he was just too busy to call, and he had called her and told her that I hadn't contacted him anymore. That left me thinking that he was blowing me off on purpose and just lied to him mom about it. I haven't spoken to him since, and that was 4 months ago. Now I realize that I really do care about him very much. I really don't know if I have ever loved a man, but if I have, it was only him. I wanted to send him another letter because I am terrified that he won't look for me when he gets back. I am afraid that he just thought I didn't want to be with him anymore, or that telling him about my abuse hurt him too much. I just hate to lose my chances with him over misunderstanding or something. Then again, I am afraid that maybe I am just lonely and reaching and trying to get back with him would be a huge mistake. My counselor says that I don't give people a chance and I should try to be more social. She says I too often assume that people don't like me, when in fact they really do. Is that what I have done with him? or should I open my eyes and accept that he doesnt' want me to bother him anymore? I'm so scared because other than him, I could never be with another man. Even the thought of being with him is scary. It's just that I really felt that he loved me. He respected me and never pressured me into sex or anything. Was he just too good to be true?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 9:04pm
Is it possible he really never got the mail? Do you Know for sure he got it? I'll tell you about me; much like you i have no one and that could be my therepist talking. I once had a best friend, i messed it up. For years i've thought about her and even dreamed about her. I grieved for what i had ruined. When i got the internet one of the first things i did was try and locate her. I sent her off a note and yes i was grasping for anybody to care about me, the real me. Things did not go so well. She is a different person and it hurt to realize she had no interest in my life now. I'd carried this dead torch for so long. I won't lie it hurt a bit but at least i know now. I don't dream about her anymore. That ghost has been put to rest so to speak.

You at least have a better chance hun, i really did screw it up. Your case could be a terrible misunderstanding. I can't say it won't hurt to try, i can't promise that. But i can tell you i would take the risk. We hurt everyday anyways, might as well make it a usefull hurt. Good Luck & Safe Days,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:38pm
It does sound like you had a good thing going. He sounds like a good guy. It is possible that it's all a misunderstanding.

I think you should contact him and ask him whether he got your calls and letters. Ask him if he would be open to getting together and talking, and tell him how you feel. It sounds like he has always treated you well and has respect for you.

I can't say what will happen, of course, but I do think it's worth finding out where his feelings are and whether there could still be something there. I think it's important that you explain to him why it was hard for you when things started going really well, and let him know where you are right now.

I hope that you are able to talk with him and reach a good understanding. I'll be thinking of you!

Hugs, Heidi


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