tell u my story:i hope soon(mite trigge

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
tell u my story:i hope soon(mite trigge
2
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 7:39pm
hi

sorry i have put ANGRY up but it does

sad, depression, stress, sudicide,

selfharming, even like to kill myself,

for someone that will get of and noone

will ever no,i hate him, i should not

get angry about it, i feel so sad thet

i am always crying and not crying but

sobbing for someone like that,

catherine

*********

*********

ps i hope i did not trigger anyone

i feel that i will never get over

this,and i cant stop crying and sobbing

all the time, i think i will realy cut

myself so bad that i might not survive

how can i live if he cant get done for

what he has done, he is laugthing at me

all the time, sorry that how i feel

pss it like a man runs some people over and

kills them and he does not get done.

sorry i am going though abit of a bad

patch.

sorry about the spelling and the borring

message u have had to read, i hope u dont

fall asleep
















iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 11:16pm
Hey Catherine,

It is okay for you to be angry, and it is necessary for you to allow yourself to be angry in order to heal. You can start taking a lot of guilt off of yourself by telling yourself that it is okay to be angry. I am just learning this because I have felt the same as you do, that I shouldn't feel that way. My counselor told me that angry is not right or wrong, it just is. It is an honest emotion. The problem for us is that we had to bury our feelings to survive.

Please stay close to people who care about you (like Jim) who can help you stay safe. And come here any time you need to talk.

Have you gotten help for the cutting? How did your visit at the mental health place go?

We care about you. Don't forget that.

Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-15-2003 - 8:21pm
Oh honey, please don't feel pressured to tell your story. It's a big step and maybe you're not ready just yet. Some very special here have not been able to reveal the full story and that's fine.

I also totally agree with Heidi--anger just is. When we say "we shouldn't" do something then that's a judgement statement. Who said you "shouldn't" be angry? If you're angry then you're angry, plain and simple These are your real feelings and you have every right to them. Man, for what you've been through you definately have every right to feel just as you feel. Of course, it's not right to hurt yourself or someone else with your anger but you have EVERY right to be angry. The key is to find the right outlets for you to express your anger. Writing in a journal or here, screaming in the car with the windows rolled up (my fave), taking a power walk with your abuser's name on the bottom of your shoes, beating your bed with a tennis racket are just a few ideas of safe anger release.

You know, I've found we suffer more from trying to control our emotions rather than from expressing them. I wonder if that rough patch would ease up if you could allow yourself the luxury of allowing your feelings without judging them. That way you may hopefully be able to resist the urge to self injure.

So sweetheart, do what you feel you need to do to be safe and comfortable. Please don't push yourself. The worst part of healing comes from pushing beyond our range of tolerance b/c it re-traumatizes us and that's so unfair to our selves and to our inner selves. Flooding ourselves and re-traumatizing ourselves is NOT healing so take it at your own pace. Remember, if you think you "should" do something then you're judging yourself and it could be too much pressure. Take it easy, please.

**gentle hugs**

Gail

**gentle hugs**