My best friend/sister got raped :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
My best friend/sister got raped :(
2
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 5:00am
I hope this won't trigger anyone...but I need help with my friend who got raped and nobody believes her.

My friend, Katie, my boyfriend's sister and practically like my sister cause I love her so much was raped. The guy raped her yesterday and this morning. What's worse is that we called the police today and it took them TWO HOURS to come down. TWO! Then, when they did come down, they talked to her parents first who don't even actually love her (More explaination about that later). So, the police had a bias opinion of her before they talked to her. Then, we went to the local ER and everyone there believed her because she was crying and she had bruising and she hurt down there. I was practically the only one believing her this whole entire time. Her brother, my boyfriend also believes her now, but has had difficulty believing because of his mother. This guy has now been threatening us and bragging about what he did to my boyfriend's sister. He also wants her to become pregnant and is lying to the police about what happened, so now he is being prosecuted for, "Third degree sexual assault of a minor" and not rape. Which I am sure happened. The saddest part of today (there was so many!) was that when she told us that he had....stuff on her bed she started to cry and say that she didn't know if she could sleep in that bed again. I hugged her for a while on that. I'm an actress and I can tell when someone is lying. She is not by any means lying. I can tell she was forced. But since this world is so horrible....no one believes her except for her brother and me. Now for what her mom and step-father have been doing to her. Right from the start, her mom didn't believe her. She comes home and starts telling her, "It's your fault! You let this guy in!" and by this time I'm very mad at her for telling this to her daughter. I should've stopped her but she wouldn't have listened to me. You should never say to a rape victim that it's her fault! Her daughter just sat there taking that and I know, if it was me, I would have been crying and yelling at my mom for telling me that. Then her mom started complaining about taking her to the doctor tonight. That REALLY made me mad also. But then Katie (my bf's sister) just ignores her mom and the police come over. Right when the police come, they immediatly want to talk to the mom and of course, her mom was being all sweet and nice (which she really isn't) and tells the police that Katie deserved this and that it was all of her fault. So the police had a bias opinion and actually asked to see Katie's 7 year old step-brother and question him about being "bribed" by Katie to say that he saw the rapist!!! Katie started crying again when they asked her step-brother if she had given him ten dollars. He said yes but it was for being a good kid. So, after the police talk to all of us, they leave and we head out to the ER. Well, this is one of the most shakers happened. Right before my boyfriend and I are about to leave because I had to be home at a certain time, she runs out and she asks if I can be with her because she says I am the only one who believes her. I say that I would kindly come with her if she would just ask her mom if it would be okay. She goes in and asks her step father where her mother is and he starts glaring at her and says, "She's in the bathroom!" in a rude voice and she runs out to tell us and I just tell her to ignore him and find her mom. So she goes inside to put on her shoes and starts yelling at her step father about how he is not her dad and she doesn't have to listen to him. So he starts saying to her, "Go to hell! You can go straight to hell!". Then he says something like, "I could just hit you right now!" and Katie says, "Bring it!" and he starts running after her trying to hit her. My boyfriend immediatly gets out of the car and tells Katie's step father to not hurt her or else he will get hurt but he won't stop trying to hit her and he blocks his way. She runs away from him close to me and asks if we would drive her to the ER. So, we all go back in the car and follow after her parents. When we finally get into the ER and get a room we all sit down. Katie soon starts telling us that she's really tired. Right after that, her step father says, "Shut up!" and her mom says, "Stop complaining!". Like they have a right to tell her that after what she has been through. So, after the doctor comes to the room, Katie asks her mom and step-father to leave and the doctor makes them leave and they complain on their way out about how it is wrong that they have to be forced out. I was incredibly glad that they left the room because the room felt icy cold and horrible with them in there. I can understand why Katie is so depressed with those people she has to live with. So, a second later her mom comes in and tells Katie in a very rude voice, "We are leaving, there is no use to be here and you don't even care about us being here anyway.". I still can't believe they left her there in this horrible situation only caring about how it wasn't about them.

What Katie told us is that he came over on Wednesday without her calling him or anything and she let him in because it was my bf's best friend at one point and she trusted him. He played with her step-brother that day and left. The next day, yesterday, he came in and said hello to her step-brother and then glared at Katie and said, "WHY DON'T I GET A HUG?!" and forces her to hug him even though she is trying to make him stop. Then he grabs her jaw and makes her kiss him and he tries to lick on her face and then he grabs her tightly and makes her lay down by him and he takes off all of her clothes and she is trying ot get away but he is so fat and he is on top of her that she can't. He forces himself in. After they are done he starts licking her body and then he just leaves. Then, today, he comes over AGAIN (@!#!@#@!#!#%#$^$E) and rapes her again the same way he did the other day and threatens her to not tell the police and threatens her brothers who are trying to protect her.

The thing is, her mom and step-father don't believe her and this guy is going to get away with it. I can't let him get away with this! I'm so mad at him...I HATE him!!!! I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do about this! The police don't believe her because her parents said that she wanted it and since she let him in, she deserved it! So now the police don't believe the victim, but they believe the rapist! Isn't there ANYTHING I can do to make someone believe me?! I'm going to write to the newspaper about this or do something!! I just can't let him get away with this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 9:17pm
Hi brea,

I can't believe how awful this is. The rapes themselves, the terrible way the police handled this, and the terrible and inhuman way she is being treated by her parents.

No way was it her fault! Helloooooo! And I don't understand why the police would speak to her parents first and THEN her, when she was the one who was violated. Her parents behavior is totally beyond my understanding. Their treatment of her is probably almost as traumatizing as the rapes, because they're not providing her with any support or understanding at all.

I'm really glad that she had you there to help her. How old is she? I was also wondering what your bf's attitude is about his parents. Is she the only one in the family who is treated this way? Is there a way you can have her come and stay with you so that she's not in that environment with her parents and so that the rapist doesn't have access to her. She needs to feel taken care of, and she's not going to feel that way at home. Also if you call the Women's Shelter they could probably give you some good advice on things she can do and resources that are available.

I don't think you should remain silent on this. Could you and your boyfriend go to the police and give them your insights into what the family situation is like, and what you witnessed from them at home and in the ER? Tell them that it WAS a rape, and they need to treat it as such. Stories like this make it onto Dateline and 20/20; would they like that kind of publicity? You could certainly get it onto the local news by calling. The media would eat something like this up, I would think. You mentioned writing into the newspaper; that would certainly create some acton.

I wish I had more to offer. I just think this is so terrible. I hope that you are able to see her be believed and get the help she needs. Please let us know how things progress.

Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 1:07am
I agree with Heidi, she needs to be removed from the situation immediatley. Please if you could email me some info or post it whatever you are comfortable with i can give you better advice on what to do, like where you are and what age the victim is. Both Canada and the US have Victims Services, they are police associated but they are not police.

Then of course social services, should be enlightened to the situation if you can not take her in because the home life as you explained it mixed with the state of mind she is probably in could prove a terrible combination.

There are things that you can do, do not doubt that. Nowadays police are usually alot better about dealing with this but i hear stories like yours from time to time. Please for her sake get her out of the situation. As to convincing the police could the people that the rapist bragged to write statements and have them notorised? It should probably be independant of her statement so as not to appear influenced as they already seem to have that inane idea.

If you would like to email me i can be reached at marijane1st@hotmail.com and thank-you for trying to help, please take care of her it sounds like you are all she has. Take Care & Safe Days,

Danielle.