iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 12:14pm
My therapist Kara left today to go on a three month maternity leave. I will be seeing her replacement. She asked me what I think I would work on with Hans while she is gone. She recommended the sexual abuse. I have seen Hans before when Kara has been away and I guess you would say I am comfortable with him but the thing is I have never talked to a male therapist about the abuse. Kara says it will be good for me. I am not sure. I told her I have never talked to a male therapist about the abuse and it is like a problem territory thing with me. I am so unsure what to do. I wish I could just lay in bed until she comes back. Let me know what you think. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Love and Hugs Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 10:14pm
Hey Andrea,

I can certainly understand your feelings on this! I think, however, that since you trust Kara and she feels that this would be good for you that you should go ahead with it. Three months is a long time, and you could make a lot of progress in that time!

Don't avoid seeing her associate; that would cause you to backslide rather than to move forward.

When I made the decision to talk about my SA with my therapist, it was really hard and uncomfortable for me. Afterwards, she asked me if telling was as bad as I thought it would be, and she told me to remember that as a therapist she passes no judgment on her clients for these things, and sees it from a clinical point of view. That should be the same with this guy. I'm sure that he has dealt with a large array of issues. I suggest writing things down or printing off posts from the board, like where you told your story, and having him read it so he understands where you're coming from.

If you can jump over your nervousness about meeting with a man about this and just make yourself do it, you will be that much stronger. Remember that Kara trusts him, so I think you can too.

Let us know what you decide to do! Love, Heidi


co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 12:53am
Ironically enough my therepist will be going on maternity leave shortly too. Her replacemnet is female as far as i know though (i think they all are where i go. Myself i've always had the opposite problem though, it's harder for me to talk to women. Either which way i can understand your reluctance, but therepy is kinda like going sober; can't just take time off. Like the other post said, it'll backslide you. I've gone in and out of therepy for years and let me tell you if your gone for too long you don't go back. Hang in there hun, it'll be tough for you but if you really do trust her then trust her judgement. Good Luck & Safe Days,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 10:51am
hi andrea

i dont think kara would give u some that mite

upset u, u may find him nice

i have a male cpn at the moment but they may

change him, hope not he is realy nice and kind.

but if not i am here for u at any time,

(best freind) ever

see u later


ps cpn coming over tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 3:20pm
I only had one therapist and I remember I was more uncomfortable around her then I am around men. Even though what happened to me was done by men for some reason I have trouble when it comes to being seen by women doctors or nurse practioners. I still feel more comfortable around men then I do women, I don't know why maybe because I feel betrayed by my mother for not protecting me as a child. I just know I gave up on therapy because I had a woman therapist and I didn't feel comfortable around her at all. I know even after all that happened to me that not all men are that way, and if someone you trust says this other person is okay considering also he is a therapist I would say give it a try. If you don't feel comfortable then see if there is someone else available, but at least give it a try.