Question of the Week: Being good to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Question of the Week: Being good to you
3
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 12:41am
We've heard and used the phrase here of "Be good to you," "Take care of you," etc.

I thought it would be an interesting question to ask what you do to be good to you? Maybe if we talk about this we can get ideas from each other for those down times!

What works for you? A bubble bath? Good book? Favorite movie? Other ideas?

Do you do self-talk to encourage and reassure yourself? I feel that this is important, even though I don't do it. I am still trying to get out of the beating-myself-up phase.

Share your thoughts on this. It's important that we know how to be kind to ourselves.

I hope everyone here has a good week, full of some ups to balance out the downs. What is something good you can do for yourself this week?

Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 1:00am
Usually being good to myself means recognizing when I need the extra rest and need to not stress about things like housework, etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't clean your house and take care of those kinds of things, but there are times when things are so exhausing emotionally that physically I need to back off sometimes. At these times I like to read a good book, usually a novel written for youngish readers (maybe it's the child inside me that feels this is a treat since reading was my escape growing up).

I like it when my husband takes the kids out and I have some time on my own. I enjoy lighting a scented candle and playing one of my favorite CDs.

Sometimes any of the above include Cookies&Cream ice cream! LOL

Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 11:45am
I don't think I do enough to "take care of me". I am the master at taking care of other people, but I can't turn that love and attention onto myself. When I am having a bad day (and I am have those frequently right now), I try to distract myself with a good book, or a good movie, but I don't always see that as a good thing. I avoid alot, and because of that I believe my recovery is slower than I want it to be. I read alot of books about SA and do alot of internet searching. I think the more informed I am, the better. I enjoy writing, and that is probably the best way I take care of myself. I enjoy the time I spend writing down thoughts and feelings. It calms me when I am upset, and creates a sense of safeness for me. If the feelings are down on paper, they are no longer stuck in my head haunting me. I have tried the self-talk stuff, but it seems I always turn it into negative things. So, I have filed that suggestion away for a while. Maybe one day I can tell myself that I am a good person, but for now the bad feelings outweigh the good feelings.

Katy

~~~~~Katy~~~~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 6:14pm
I don't "Take care of Me" either. I am so used to being the one to take care of everything and everyone. I try self talk also but the next day or moment I don't feel any better or different. I used to write my feelings on paper also and it used to help but in my last relationship my ex got angry because writing my feelings was the only way I could express myself and with my ex the letters got old. I used to read about SA but I could never find anything that related to what I was going through. I mean I learned about it and I always knew it was never my fault what happened but whats hard is not the abuse itself but how I reacted afterwards. I mean I can't talk about my feelings; I don't even know if I have feelings or what I am feeling most of the time. The abuse is over I am safe from that but now I am in a marriage and I can't even tell my husband why I love him when I say I love him. I know I do but I don't know how to say it and I don't want to write letters anymore I just want to be able to open up and talk about my feelings but the words never come out when I think them. For me it isn't about the abuse at all its all about all the after affects of the abuse. So now I need to learn to take care of me and I am not sure how.

Destiny