Weight problems?
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| Tue, 08-19-2003 - 12:11pm |
I am embarrassed to say that I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been. And being only 5'2", I am way too heavy. I have read about others weight problems on the board, but I wonder how many people here struggle with weight issues? For me I use food as comfort. When I get up in the middle of the night because of bad dreams, or whatever, I eat. I don't even think about it, I just do it. I have been more conscious of this in the last few weeks, and I will get a bottle of water instead. I would like to know how everyone else handles the eating issues and maybe some suggestions on how to break the cycle. I am looking into joining an OA group in my area, but I am really scared to do that. I can't pinpoint why at the moment, but I just feel really scared when I think about doing that. Scared to the point of having chest pains scared. I get really frustrated because I feel that I sabatage my efforts to lose weight. I have been able to lose weight more than once in my adult life, but have never been at a normal weight. The times I have lost weight (and I am talking 60-70lbs), someone (usually male), makes a comment about how "good" I look, and that is the end of my will power and iniative. I guess I don't want to look "good" to other people, especially males. It makes me nervous to know that men think I am attractive. I don't want men to look at me like that! My perps made me believe that the way I dressed, the way I looked, the way I had my hair, was the reason they hurt me. I know that is at the root of it all, but I can't seem to get passed that. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance!
Katy
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You know this actually suprises me, i always though I was alone with my not wantin men to say i look good, or for them to even look at me. When my bad stuff happened I would eat. In one year I gained 50 lbs. I didn't even know why at that point. I was young, and it was not hormones. All I know is I ate and ate. If i felt to sad i'd eat. Heck even if i felt happy I ate. But then I realized I had a problem. I still do. But it does take time. I really mean that. Now when I have fears, or am sad I eat a fruit, or have drinks of water. If I'm upset I excersise. It REALLy does help burn the steam.
I hope I was of some help, and if not, then i apologize.
Hope you find what you need.
Kristina
There is a book called Fattitudes (can't remember the author's name) that discusses this sort of thing. It's got sections that are like a workbook that you can look through. I actually found it when I visited the 100 Pounds and Up board (something like that) here at ivillage and they had a link to the author's board, also at ivillage. I visited the board and his website, and it rang true to me. I haven't gotten the book yet, but I think it would provide a lot of keys for getting past these issues. He says that to lose weight, the rewards for losing weight have to outweight the advantages of holding onto it. It seems to me that I haven't felt safe letting go. The author of this book says that putting on weight to protect your marriage is actually quite common. I had started putting two and two together before reading this and though I was really psycho, so I was relieved and surprised to hear this.
Freegirl, the other cl here, belongs to Overeater's Anonymous, and has found it extremely helpful. I would like to join one here where I am. I remember her saying that it was interesting to find that a large number of people in her group had been sexually abused. It's quite a connection!
I don't have suggestions myself on how to get past this, because it's a huge issue for me and I haven't even begun to tackle the weight issue effectively. But maybe the Fattitudes board and book would be helpful to check out. I felt really good about it when I found it, but at that point I hadn't addressed my SA issues honestly and knew that I wasn't ready to zoom in on a weight loss program.
Let me know if you check it out, and what you think. I hope that at least you don't feel alone with this issue.
Love, Heidi
co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board
As for looks, even at a normal weight, you can (I do this sometimes, not so much to hide but for comfort) just dress like a slob (obviously if you have to dress nice for work you can't do this). When I wear cutoff jeans and baggy t-shirts and old sneakers, with a bandana around my head, men seldom ever look. So you can still protect your physical health by losing the weight (I would suggest a program but my mom and I did our own thing - low cal and low fat), and still protect yourself by your dress. But however you lose the weight, support from others is key. It's very hard to do alone, especially if you live with others who aren't dieting.
Not sure how much help my suggestions are, but you are not alone in the weight battle (I still must watch what I eat to this day).
Lee
Long ago I spotted the pattern of protecting myself with fat or food. It has gotten to the point that I can often see it and stop it when there is a trigger, but overall, my internal attitude is to just keep eating to stay fat.
Obvious recent triggers for me were times like going to work out in the gym at work and being approached by a man who was very clearly flirting with me. I promptly got off the treadmill and went straight to the cafeteria and ordered a huge meal. More recently a man made some lewd comments to me in the parking lot of the apartments I live in and I drove straight to the convenience store and bought three candy bars and ate them before I could stop myself.
I am 5'3" and about 250 pounds and I HATE it... but I have never learned how to handle attention from men whether it was subtle or forward... I feel like a idiot because I can see the patterns and understand the triggers but cannot seem to get a grip on this.
I am 36.
Paula
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Paula = 43; Mike = 38; Tubal reversal 12/4/08, one tube reparied; Healthy baby girl born 2/16/10; PG again, EDD 3/18/11!
Sorry I got into all of that, I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for responding though, and I do know that I am not alone with my weight issues.
Smile, it moves great mountains.
Katy
~~~~~Katy~~~~~
Have you thought about water aerobics? I've done them and feels WONDERFUL. You can do things in the water that would be difficult on land.
I did them when I was pregnant. Started when I was 7 months along with my first. I had gained a LOT of weight with the pregnancy, and every visit I had gained more. Once I started the water aerobics I didn't gain another pound except for one or two at the very end.
Lots of people who have the kinds of knee problems you described, arthritis and other issues have found this beneficial. And since being very overweight can put stress on your joints, it's good for that, too. Listen to me preaching when I'm not doing it right now! LOL Anyway, thought I'd pass that along as something that you might be able to look into.
Hugs, Heidi
co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board