? of the Week--Emotional Impact of Abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
? of the Week--Emotional Impact of Abuse
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Mon, 08-25-2003 - 8:44am
Obviously abuse has a huge impact on us in many ways. At the time and now later, when we are dealing with the aftereffects.

What would you say are the biggest issues you deal with right now, that you feel stem from your abuse?

I wish everyone a safe and happy week. Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 3:47pm
Well, now that I am back in counselling again, there is stuff that is rearing its ugly head right now in my life. My worst problem right now, since I'm not getting any younger, is that I am unable to have any kind of relationship with men (beyond friendship). I would love to get married and maybe have a child before my reproductive system starts to shut down, but until I can get thru these issues that will have to wait. And like I said, I don't know how long I (or my body) can wait.

Lee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:20pm
Wanting to kill myself. It justs hurts too much. Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 9:01pm
I'm with you Lee... I would love to have a relationship and I don't... I just don't. And I can tell myself it's by choice but it isn't. I rented HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS and all I could think of was HA! I can lose one in 10 hours... sometimes 10 minutes and it's not because I'm not a funny exciting person... it's because I run them off... and I tell myself I am just giving them the bad news before I get attached and then they run off but the truth is that I don't know how to be close to anyone anymore.

I do have a kid and I am thankful for that but I worry that I will make her scared of men. She had a male nurse at the hospital once... and his deep voice scared the crap out of her. I realized then that she probably had never heard a male voice up close and she was 2 years old. So I'm not the only one that my not having a relationship affects.

Genevieve

Avatar for ateachersangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 11:30pm
I guess my biggest issue, or maybe just the hardest-to-deal-with-issue is sex and the fact that I hate it so much. And, the fact that I feel so angry about having to do 'that' and also feel guilty about how I feel about it. And, the fact that my hubby practically has to beg for it...and my reaction to the whole thing must be hurtful or frustrating to him. And, then there's the fact that I can't seem to talk about it in therapy- which isn't helping matters any. I'm sure my husband must hate the way I am.....yet, in every other way, we're happy. I hate the guilt that goes along with this....I hate the anger too....feeling like I'm a prude or something. And then there's the fact that some day my daughter will probably ask me what sex is supposed to feel like or something like that. We've had many conversations about sex....(she's 10) but, she hasn't asked what it's like yet......... And, what am I supposed to say?? Lies?? Cause that's what I'd be doing if I said how beautiful or something.....cause, for me, nothing's further from the truth- I find it utterly repulsive, but, of course I can't tell her that. Coming from crazy people really sucks sometimes.

Becky

Avatar for ready2go2000
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 12:01pm
I'd like to say for one this is still awkward for me to talk about. But i guess what affects me the most or triggers me, is my body or when i See him. He used to talk about my breasts when I was younger, and he would touch or look at them. So I stress out over them. Yeah i know I'm 16 and i still have growing to do... BUT i still feel horrible of having breast that are size 38c I mean... guys look at me. and I dont like it.

i hope this answers the question

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 10:39am
Hello

I am new here but wading in. For me I think right now I am dealing with the frustration of so many years passed me by before I dealt with the abuse and how much it formed the person I am today. I know, in my heart of hearts, that I could not deal with it until i was ready to and it has been a long hard road to travel on. I am fortunate enough to finally find out that I am indeed a sexual person but I look for relationships with men that are so not like my abuser.

-eb

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:27pm
Dealing with people. Anything at all to do with other people; and how do you get by in this world without dealing with other people?! Impossible. i know when a simple trip to the bank, grocery trip or jaunt to the corner store can rob me of all self esteem and feel like i....... well, i can't even really explain it. How do you deal with people when your scared of everybody.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 9:06pm
My impact is mostly on my ability to really communicate. I can talk but to talk about my feelings or important thoughts now that is another thing. I have dealt with my abuse but as I mentioned earlier sexual abuse is kind of like a earthquake and its the after-shocks I am dealing with.

Destiny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 12:55am
I think that for me the issue has been feeling safe. I have been hypervigilant about my children's safety, and I have struggled with worrying obsessively. Medication has helped with the obsessiveness.

Also, I had really poor self-esteem most of my life. The SA plays into it, but so does the way my mother treated me, criticizing and belittling me, and reacting like I was a leper when I'd ask her questions.

The biggest thing I'm striving for right now is to feel peaceful just being. Being me without shoulds, loving myself as I am. That is my goal.

Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 11:47am
Hello everyone

I just reread through the posts and I suspect each one of us can, to some degree, agree that each aspect of the emotional impact of abuse is a piece of us. This has been a very enlightening question. Thank you for bringing it up.

-eb

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