Hello - I am new here
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|Fri, 08-29-2003 - 10:29am|
I guess my title says it all. I grew up in a household that many of you probably did too. Emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. I carried all the pain within for far too many years, even had a "relationship" with my family then it all tumbled out one day, my life changed enormously and continues to evolve. Almost five years ago, I totally crashed emotionally. It became apparent that my family was not going to support me in healing, tried, surprisingly, to blackmail me emotionally into submission (and "forgetting all that stuff") and basically abandoned me. I am fortunate to have two caring sons who stood by me through it all. My family is much smaller now but, you know something? That is ok.
I had an emotionally range of a rock for so long, it was amazing when I finally hit anger over what my childhood had been like. Anger is not a bad emotion as it can help you focus on things but not a state you want to live in forever. I finally opened myself up to other people, things have not been perfect but they have been better. I have a understanding physician, a great counselor and see a good psychiatrist for medication management. My life isn't perfect, I doubt it ever will be but it is better than it was before. I guess the main point I am trying to make here, is that in order to begin healing, you have to deal with what happened to you. You can only bury it for so long and you can only be numb for so long. I have come to realize yes I have chronic depression, PTSS and ADD but I have value as a person too. I am a loving and caring woman. I have had a couple of relationships that did not work out but I benefited from them in many ways.
And I have good days and bad days still. I still have triggers hit me in the face despite a lot of work on cognitive recognition of my reactions to triggers. I can catch myself sometimes and other times I am helpless to the triggers.
I hope you found a little piece of you some where in my really long introduction. I hope you found a little bit of hope there too. If ok, I will keep coming back. I hope I can be a caring and supportive person for you and vice versa.
Thanks for reading this really long post.