Hello - I am new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Hello - I am new here
3
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 10:29am
Hello everyone

I guess my title says it all. I grew up in a household that many of you probably did too. Emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. I carried all the pain within for far too many years, even had a "relationship" with my family then it all tumbled out one day, my life changed enormously and continues to evolve. Almost five years ago, I totally crashed emotionally. It became apparent that my family was not going to support me in healing, tried, surprisingly, to blackmail me emotionally into submission (and "forgetting all that stuff") and basically abandoned me. I am fortunate to have two caring sons who stood by me through it all. My family is much smaller now but, you know something? That is ok.

I had an emotionally range of a rock for so long, it was amazing when I finally hit anger over what my childhood had been like. Anger is not a bad emotion as it can help you focus on things but not a state you want to live in forever. I finally opened myself up to other people, things have not been perfect but they have been better. I have a understanding physician, a great counselor and see a good psychiatrist for medication management. My life isn't perfect, I doubt it ever will be but it is better than it was before. I guess the main point I am trying to make here, is that in order to begin healing, you have to deal with what happened to you. You can only bury it for so long and you can only be numb for so long. I have come to realize yes I have chronic depression, PTSS and ADD but I have value as a person too. I am a loving and caring woman. I have had a couple of relationships that did not work out but I benefited from them in many ways.

And I have good days and bad days still. I still have triggers hit me in the face despite a lot of work on cognitive recognition of my reactions to triggers. I can catch myself sometimes and other times I am helpless to the triggers.

I hope you found a little piece of you some where in my really long introduction. I hope you found a little bit of hope there too. If ok, I will keep coming back. I hope I can be a caring and supportive person for you and vice versa.

Thanks for reading this really long post.

-eb

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:33pm
Welcome, yes i see a bit of myself and can only hope to have a future of some resembalence. Thank-you and welcome.

Safe Days,

Danielle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:48pm
Glad you can and posted... new here also. I wanted to post earlier today but didn't because I just didn't know what I could say because I am not feeling like an expert who would have any advice. But then I thought I can say Hi and I look foreward to hearing from you. So keep posting. Maybe other people feel like me and don't know what to say like those who have been here a while and are better at it.

-G

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 4:16pm
Welcome, Early Bird! I'm glad to have you join us here on the board. Sorry it took me awhile longer to respond than usual; I have been snowed over with life lately; kids starting back to school, getting back into the routine of things.

I also appreciate what you shared with us. Your insights on anger were excellent and also very important. I myself just got through an "anger phase" with recovery. This is an emotion that I have avoided like the plague most of my life because I got into trouble if I expressed it. Also I saw it expressed in my family very inappropriately by my mother, and in swearing I would not be like her I thought that part of that was never getting angry. My therapist is wonderful and pointed out to me that I needed to allow that and other "negative" emotions, that emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. I think the key is what you choose to DO with those emotions. It was a rough period of time dealing with those emotions as I acknowledged them, but hopefully it will be less difficult as time goes by. I liked what you said about anger helping one to focus.

I am sorry to hear about what you have been through with your family. I am glad, though, that you have your wonderful sons, and it sounds like you are at a place where you've been able to acknowledge the things that have happened and move on to a level of acceptance of yourself and what you deal with. I think you have a very healthy attitude. Thank you so much for sharing yourself, and I hope you will do so more!

Also, here is the link to the Adults with ADD/ADHD board; I am a cl there, as well. Like you, I deal with the ADD, depression and some Post Traumatic Stress. The ADD board is a lot of fun; I think you would find lots of support over there, as well!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhgenadd

Hugs, Heidi


Edited 9/1/2003 4:17:58 PM ET by cl-breakinfree

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board