? of the Week--What brought you here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
? of the Week--What brought you here?
6
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:01pm
For this week's question, I thought it would be interesting to share how we found this board, and what prompted us to start posting here.

I think we have a wonderful group of women here, and want each of you to know that I admire the courage and drive that have kept you going. I am touched each time I read a post from one of you. We are wonderful women!

Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:08pm
I was just searching for people who knew what I was going through or rather, about to be going through. I had just started therapy and had no idea what I was feeling. The board has given me a place to ask questions and seek support no matter what.

No one can fathom the strength and compassion that comes from this board day in and day out.

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:20pm
I guess that the counseling that I began earlier this year spurred me to want to connect with others dealing with the same problems. It took me a long time to realize that what happened to me WAS sexual abuse, so I am kind of late in dealing with it but better late than never.

Lee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:33pm
I came at my therapists suggestion. My support group was coming to an end, one that didn't sit well, and my individual therapist suggested finding an internet support group. I've always been a loner and felt like I was the only person that thought, felt, acted the way I do - reading others who have similarities is helping me to feel more acceptable. I still feel like I'm different from a huge portion of the world, whether from being molested or growing up in an alcoholic home or whatever. But I feel more okay, knowing there are women who are accepted with these differences and who accept mine. Staying so isolated and being around people who made fun of the ways I'm different made me feel wrong, bad. I'm beginning to feel different is okay. Losing the black and white outlook on life. My support group had no other women who had the sa experience. Even there I never felt the similarities I feel on this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 7:13pm
I actually found myself here through a few steps. i first found ivillage because i liked to do quizzes (i like to self-anylyze) and of course that led to some of the depression and anxiety quizzes. I tried to get into the chats for SA but my timezone makes things difficult which led me to these boards.

Truly when i got the internet is probably when it all began because underneath i knew it would give me greater means to find help safely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 7:40pm
It was the relapse into cutting. I decided if I was relapsing I better cover all the bases of anything that could be causing that to happen. I still don't know why it is happening and I wish it would just stop, but I am making progress. Just not enough to be cut free for more than 6 hours at this very minute. Can't seem to break the 48 hour mark. I hate to purge on here. But sometimes I need to talk so bad I feel like I have a belly ache and it's just going to all come out. I don't think about the abuse anymore but I do think about the rapes and I can't help but believe my isolation at this point in my life is a side effect of the original abuse because I have been isolated most of my adult life. It feels good to be here and you guys have inspired me to try a group meeting for bipolar disorder. I don't think I can tell them I cut in person. And I'm afraid they will notice. I don't know why the cutting is so private but I could shout from the mountain tops about the abuse and not be upset a bit. The rapes are far trickier. But not something I have to be utterly silent about. The one thing I have learned is that silence gets me no where. Maybe this isn't the right place to do this and please don't get mad Heidi but this makes me want to share something I wrote. I came here to share my secrets and not be silent because all not doing that ever got me was pain.

Secrets

by G

When I was just a little girl,

I was free and openhearted.

I shared my soul with everyone.

The truth, I never distorted.

Truth isn't necessarily valued by all.

This lesson I learned by default.

Sometimes the courier suffers the blame

for things that are not their fault.

Someone told me to live by this rule,

"Our secrets make us stronger."

I made the choice to do what they said,

not knowing they couldn't be wronger.

I hid the truth inside my heart,

and I felt like I was lying.

The guilt overflowed into everthing I did.

My inner light was slowly dying.

It's not the tragedies in life

that tear apart our minds.

It's not being able to tell our pain.

That is the tie that binds.

"Our secrets make us stonger."

This lie can seal your fate.

Our secrets make us weaker.

Release yourself. It's not too late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 7:50pm
Not mad at all, G! Thank you for feeling that you could share that. That was a very good poem--astute and well-written! Please always feel that you share parts of yourself like that here. I think that is one way we can enrich each other.

I'm glad you're still pushing ahead on the cutting, and that that prompted you to look at different things that could be bothering you. I'm proud of you for looking into the bi-polar support group--let us know how that goes! I hope it turns out to be a good group where you can form some safe friendships. I know reaching out in that way is a big deal for you, since you have been isolating yourself.

Hugs, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board