Hi everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Hi everyone!
1
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 9:12pm
I have been away from the boards for awhile, and want to welcome all the new comers. I hope you have felt as welcome and accepted here as I have. Heidi, you have done a wonderful job of making people feel welcome. Thanks.

I have been away from the boards because I have been feeling overwhelmed, but I am better now. At least I was until my oldest sister came to visit from Tuscon! She and I had begun an email conversation about some things I remember from when I was little, and alot about what I don't remember. She would not answer some of my questions over email, and wanted to wait until she got here to talk to me about them. I told her about a reoccurring dream that I have and asked her if she knew anything about it. In this dream, I am a child, standing in a corner of a bedroom, and there is a nude man on the bed motioning me to come to the bed. I don't know who the man is, and I wake up at the same point in the dream every time. She has been here almost a week, and she has not even mentioned our emails. I don't know how to approach her and urge her to talk to me about my childhood. I am actually afraid of what she has to tell me because I have this fear about what I don't remember. I have not talked to anyone in my family about the SA, and am not so sure that it didn't happen to my other sisters also. So, I guess I just need to open my mouth and ask her to come to my house and talk to me! That is scary to say. I keep thinking that if she didn't know anything about the dream, she would have said so, don't you think? So, I think she knows something. AHHHHHHHH! This is making me feel really uptight and makes my chest hurt, so I am gonna go for now.

Katy

~~~~~Katy~~~~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
In reply to: katystears
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 2:41am
Hi Katy, and welcome back!

Thank you for your kind remarks about me. I appreciate it!

Sorry you're going through this right now with your sister. Since she said through email that she'd rather talk in person though, maybe you should just take that deep breath and tell her that you'd like to talk about some of the things you mentioned through email. I think that would probably be the hardest part. If she does know more, as you suspect, even if it's devastating to hear at first it will be better than not knowing.

She may be nervous to bring it up because of not wanting to hurt you, and it's probably uncomfortable for her, too. But the fact that she has been willing to talk over email seems encouraging to me. I think you'll feel better once you take that step to ask for the conversation. Try and find somewhere quiet where just the two of you can talk.

This is monumental, since this has never been discussed in your family before. This will change some family dynamics, and that could be another reason why this is scary for both of you. It's a change that is healthy, though. As you mentioned, there may have been other sisters besides yourself who went through this, and this is breaking the silence.

I hope that you're able to get what you want and need from her visit, and that the two of you can feel a closer bond by sharing. Be sure and let us know how it goes.

Love, Heidi

HeidiRose

co-cl, Sexual Abuse Healing Board