Have I completely lost it?

Avatar for nikki8541
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Have I completely lost it?
7
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 6:50pm

Hi Everyone,


I am not sure how to put this, so please try to bear with me.


My abusers were 3 teenage boys and my father.


I have given this A LOT of thought and can't really come up with an answer.

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 11:17am

Hi Kelley,


First, let me offer my belated welcome. I think it's wonderful that you're standing so strong to fight for children's rights in your community. Awesome!!


I have to say though, your desire to have a relationship with your dad makes perfect sense to me. But I certainly understand why it's so hard to comprehend. Your confusion actually epitomizes the struggle many people have who were abused by their fathers, brothers or even grandfathers. The confusion seems to come from loving the person vs. hating their actions. It's easier for your fiance to hate your dad AND his actions b/c your fiance doesn't have the same parental bond with him as you do. Nor did he experience your dad as a child the way you did.


This is a really big challenge and can take a long time to work through. I'm sorry, I can't remember if you said you're working with a therapist or not. Hopefully you are b/c I'm sure as time goes on with your healing you'll be able to see this more clearly.


BTW, when's your wedding?

**gentle hugs**

Gail
**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 11:44am

Hello.

Avatar for nikki8541
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 1:18pm

Hi Everyone,


I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your answers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 1:22pm
Kelley, I believe this is a very common struggle for those of us who where abused by family.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 12:29am

Dear dear (((((Kelley))))), I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry for all your heartache and all the rotten stuff you experienced as a child, as well as all the difficult emotions you're now experiencing. I wish I had some advice. I wish I had some wise words. I wish I could say something to

Avatar for nikki8541
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 1:24pm

Hi Allie,


Thank you for your kind post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 9:00pm

Hi Kelley,


I don't know that I have any great answer but I think that it has to be normal to have conflicting emotions when it comes to family, particularly parents.