when I told.... HUGE TRIGGER

Brenda your ramblings meant the world to me. That was my last "secret", I was afraid that if people here know that I had taken my Dad in , because he had no where else to go, and was about to be homeless, and was an alcoholic AND raped me AFTER he knew what I had suffered at the hands of my brother... well... I was afraid that people here would think I was simply nuts. I didn't see my Dad for many many years, from 17 on except for once when I was 19 or so, and again one time when I was 27. I tool him in when I was 36 years old. In one way it was for the best. I didn't want to have any regrets by saying NO to a family member who asked me to take him in. She never knew what he did to me, and does not to this day... and never will... nor do any of my immediate family. My Auntie in Ireland knows, as did my one T. God Bless ya for your ramblings. You are absolutely right... i KNEW in my heart that my brother's apology was not to or for me... but to look like the HERO! OHHHHHH but he said SORRY! I always thought that all I needed was for him to say sorry.... I thought I'd be okay. My DAD DID SAY SORRY and he explained, and he SUFFERED for what he did to me. HE paid for it every day of his life, even though he never told anyone else what he did to me he talked to ME about it. He was wrong... he was a failure as a father, as a protector, as a safe harbor...BUT he lived a tortured life because of what he did. He admitted to it... word for word... and I'm glad that I had that time with him. He was never my Dad, he was never my hero... BUT I got to know him and I almost learned to love him...most importantly I got to FORGIVE him! I was a much better to parent to my Dad than he ever was to me... but I no regrets about my "sorta forced on me" decision to let him come and live with me.