when I told.... HUGE TRIGGER

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
when I told.... HUGE TRIGGER
7
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 10:53pm
the truth is that after I got pregnant and had to have an abortion at 13 because of my brother.. and we had to go to court and all hell broke loose... and the court thought it was in the best interest of my FAMILY that we stay together... my Dad, the Man I looked after for 4 years before he passed away last October, raped me twice. Once when i was 14 and once when I was nearly 17. And I still let him in my home after being estranged from him for over half of my adult life... and I still took him in, and tended his bedside when he was dying.. and yet I have a problem with my brother's "apology".


Edited 9/24/2008 11:11 pm ET by sueanddogs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 1:07pm
Sue, you are a very brave, and strong
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 8:45pm
Brenda your ramblings meant the world to me. That was my last "secret", I was afraid that if people here know that I had taken my Dad in , because he had no where else to go, and was about to be homeless, and was an alcoholic AND raped me AFTER he knew what I had suffered at the hands of my brother... well... I was afraid that people here would think I was simply nuts. I didn't see my Dad for many many years, from 17 on except for once when I was 19 or so, and again one time when I was 27. I tool him in when I was 36 years old. In one way it was for the best. I didn't want to have any regrets by saying NO to a family member who asked me to take him in. She never knew what he did to me, and does not to this day... and never will... nor do any of my immediate family. My Auntie in Ireland knows, as did my one T. God Bless ya for your ramblings. You are absolutely right... i KNEW in my heart that my brother's apology was not to or for me... but to look like the HERO! OHHHHHH but he said SORRY! I always thought that all I needed was for him to say sorry.... I thought I'd be okay. My DAD DID SAY SORRY and he explained, and he SUFFERED for what he did to me. HE paid for it every day of his life, even though he never told anyone else what he did to me he talked to ME about it. He was wrong... he was a failure as a father, as a protector, as a safe harbor...BUT he lived a tortured life because of what he did. He admitted to it... word for word... and I'm glad that I had that time with him. He was never my Dad, he was never my hero... BUT I got to know him and I almost learned to love him...most importantly I got to FORGIVE him! I was a much better to parent to my Dad than he ever was to me... but I no regrets about my "sorta forced on me" decision to let him come and live with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:04pm

I don't think you were "nuts".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:32am

Dear dear Sue, you are NOT nuts! To me it shows what a compassionate, strong,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 8:54pm

Jax, thank YOU. Understanding is not inherent, and not easy to come by... you are not ready to understand, and that's OKAY! Healing does not have a time line and it is not the same for each and every one of us. The fact that you have survived is truly brilliant. If I may say so I think you have a GREAT understanding of other survivors and I thank you for that.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 8:58pm

Allie you are in NO WAY shallow! I took my Dad in because a family member asked me to and I was not able to so "NO!". Actually I said no at first, and then changed my mind. I wanted to live my life with no regrets... I can't go into the depths of what I did and what I paid for having made that choice.. not now.. but honey you are in NO WAY shallow... you have a depth to you that is admirable.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 12:46am

Sue, I can't believe what horrible things you have been through.