Not Deserving

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Not Deserving
16
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:49am

Today was the first session for the group I'm continuing on it. I had reservations about going but decided to face it and go anyway. It was very awkward as there were several people who had been in this 2nd part of group already and then 6 of us who were just in the first part of group this summer joining them. So the merging of two groups was emotionally difficult. We'd all come to feel safe speaking out in our own group so now with the two together it was tough. I have faith that it will improve as we're all there for the same reason. I felt a bit upset as I felt as if the people already in this group were saying that those of us who just joined had really screwed it up for them by ruining their group. I felt very unwanted and as if I shouldn't be there. It was very difficult.


My therapist told me yesterday that I deserve good things from others. That has me very puzzled. I deserved good things long ago from my parents and grandfather, but I never got it. It's too late now. I can't understand how I could possibly deserve good things from anyone now. No one owes me anything. I feel so much guilt about the whole situation I've talked about with the other therapist I see giving me a bear and being kind to me. He doesn't owe me that. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve that from him. I'm happy that he's being s very kind and understanding; it's very nice of him. I told my therapist I didn't deserve it from the other therapist but he said that I do deserve it from the other therapist and from him and from everyone around me. I truly don't understand that. I'm not feeling deserving of good things from anyone. No one owes me anything.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 2:20am

You're right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 8:44am

Somehow that response hit me as a slap in the face. I already said I didn't deserve anything and no one owed me anything; to hear it so boldly said back to me was a bit upsetting. I'm trying to figure out why my therapist thinks I deserve something good. You said kind words yet somehow it just confirmed to me that I don't deserve anything good.


I realize your other words were kind yet that slap is hard to get over. I also realize it may simply just be me and the place I'm in right now that makes me feel the slap and not feel the kindness. Maybe I'm just not feeling I deserve anything kind so that's harder to accept? I don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 8:46am
sorry, i feel as if i shouldn't be honest about how i felt...i should be all sweet and kind and thankful and not admit it felt like a slap. sorry. sorry. sorry.
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 9:12am

Misty, I wholeheartedly agree. People don't owe us anything!! Kindness is not a debt we need to pay to others.


Allie, please don't confuse what is deserved with what is owed. They're two different angles. I have more to say but I'd like to

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 9:18am
Allie you have no need to be "sweet and kind and helpful" as you say.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 12:28pm

thank you brenda. thank you for understanding what i'm saying.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 12:38pm
Allie I have two shoulders, Rubie is crying on one why don't you come and cry on my other one.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:02pm

(((((Allie))))),


No, sweetie, you totally misunderstood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:02pm

I'm sitting here crying, Again, this morning as I read your posts.

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: babydance98
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:07pm

Oh (((Allie))), I'm so sorry you feel as though I "pounced" on you. I wish I could assure you that I am in no way I trying to hurt you. Truly, my response wasn't meant to make you feel more misunderstood and I'm really very sorry if I caused you any more pain.

**gentle hugs**

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