3am...I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep. I am starving hungry but feel so sick. I feel like crying...but i'm run out of tears. I feel lonely and empty and broken and aching and all those things that I dont want to feel.
I bolted and chained the door, and lugged the heavy dresser in front of it. I know I am safe. But I don't feel it.
I dont really know what I know anymore. I dont know who I am. Good for nothing Rubie. Broken, shattered, worthless, damaged.
3am...people say that midnight is the witching hour...but 3am. Everything is silent and still. No noise, no traffic, no dogs, no nothing. It's too late for TV and dinner and tea and books. Too early for breakfast and shower and dress and head out for milk and papers. I have a movie on to keep me company - tonight it's Japanese Anime movies.
Tomorrow...today...I dont know. My head is swimming.
I just got home from work tonight and saw your post.
Thankyou Jax, that means so much to me.
Please excuse my midnight ramblings - i never make sense when I'm in such a state, I am sorry.
There's no need to apologize.
I'm glad you made it through the night, Rubie.
Rubie I am so sorry! I just read this now and I know that it's too little, too late. I wish I could have been here for you last night! I love ya kiddo and SO understand what it's like to be afraid and exhausted. I don't know what to say but that I wasn't there for you and I feel really bad. You were begging for someone to hear you in a time of need... I am so sorry my friend. I just hope that you were able to sleep and that you know that even if I can't be here for you in the "web world", that I care deeply and think of you. Please hold that in your heart.