tonight, it hurts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
tonight, it hurts
8
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 7:25pm
Its 12.20...and I am kinda lonely. Kinda empty. Kinda aching. I dont know what I want, or what I need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 10:16pm

3am...I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep. I am starving hungry but feel so sick. I feel like crying...but i'm run out of tears. I feel lonely and empty and broken and aching and all those things that I dont want to feel.


I bolted and chained the door, and lugged the heavy dresser in front of it. I know I am safe. But I don't feel it.


I dont really know what I know anymore. I dont know who I am. Good for nothing Rubie. Broken, shattered, worthless, damaged.


3am...people say that midnight is the witching hour...but 3am. Everything is silent and still. No noise, no traffic, no dogs, no nothing. It's too late for TV and dinner and tea and books. Too early for breakfast and shower and dress and head out for milk and papers. I have a movie on to keep me company - tonight it's Japanese Anime movies.


Tomorrow...today...I dont know. My head is swimming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 10:57pm
it's nearly 4 i am going to try and sleep now going to go to bed and give it a go hope everyone is well and ok love rubie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 1:09am

Rubie, (((((Hugs)))))


I just got home from work tonight and saw your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 12:49pm

Thankyou Jax, that means so much to me.


Please excuse my midnight ramblings - i never make sense when I'm in such a state, I am sorry.


Rubie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 2:32pm

Rubie


There's no need to apologize.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 5:43pm

I'm glad you made it through the night, Rubie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 6:34pm
Rubie honey, I'm sorry I didn't see this until now.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 8:44pm

Rubie I am so sorry! I just read this now and I know that it's too little, too late. I wish I could have been here for you last night! I love ya kiddo and SO understand what it's like to be afraid and exhausted. I don't know what to say but that I wasn't there for you and I feel really bad. You were begging for someone to hear you in a time of need... I am so sorry my friend. I just hope that you were able to sleep and that you know that even if I can't be here for you in the "web world", that I care deeply and think of you. Please hold that in your heart.

Sue