need some help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
need some help
4
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:16pm

I know everyone seems to be stressed with their own stuff right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 11:56pm
I feel for you, I have had my own marital problems induced by the SA.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Fri, 12-19-2008 - 5:25pm

Hi there,

I just wanted to reiterate the advice given by Brenda that even though your husband knows what has happened to you, that he might really not know or understand the extent of it. My sister and I were both SA, and it has affected our sexual development in very different ways. Like you, she has trouble being intimate with her husband, it's a huge source of conflict for them. My problem is that I act out in very self-destructive ways, recreating aspects of the abuse, seeking attention in inappropriate places. Anyway, we realized my husband really needs support and answers and we found several helpful books that are targeted for partners/spouses/men of survivors. These resources both address issues of lack of sex as well as the other extreme, and really gave my husband a view of the abuse I experience still to this day, that he never really even knew or understood. It also has helped him identify his role in my healing process and explains a lot of common issues that survivors and their partners go through together. It was a complete eye opener for both of us, and I'm 10 years out of my SA, and am only now recently realizing I haven't really dealt with it, when I thought all along here I had a good handle on things. I have recently sent my sister the book list as they are looking to salvage their 10 year marriage.

You say that you are going to attend couples therapy, that sounds like a great step! We've not been to mc ourselves, but I'd never rule it out for down the road, and I've heard it can be really beneficial for a marriage. Good luck and I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

-Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 3:17pm
Thanks for responding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 3:18pm
Thanks for responding.