chronic family syndrome....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
chronic family syndrome....
Sun, 12-28-2008 - 12:30pm

Oh my my db is getting married. To a friend of mine that I went to school with, no less. I knew they were dating, which was tough enough....but holy heck, married? He is lovely with her, and she quite clearly idolises him. Which begs two questions... 1) Should I do/say anything? And if so, what? How? and 2) What is so wrong with me that he treats everyone else nicely and me like crud?

This shouldn't have got me so shaken and upset. But it did. I am feeling very guilty and like I can't tell now because it looks like I'm trying to ruin them being happy/am jealous/vying for attention...Bleurgh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Sun, 12-28-2008 - 11:19pm

Hi Rubie,

I have read most of your posts but cannot seem to recall, was your brother your abuser?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 4:45pm

Hi Lucky,

In answer to your question, yeah he was, amongst others. But he is the one I have most trouble with, his was the most deep-rooted and pertinant right now.

I think my friendship with her is pretty much over - I HAVE to distance yself - I cannot get involved because it hurts too darn much. Does that make sense?

Rubie x

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 1:39pm

(((((Rubie)))) I just popped in to see what was going on while I'm away, I'll be home on Friday but won't get back to the boards proper. I did want to let you know that I have read your post.

How awful this must feel for you, not only that he is getting married but to some one you once considered a friend.

I agree with Lucky go ahead and tell her about it. You say she isn't really a friend any more so it wouldn't be like you were alienating her or losing a good friend. It may just save some heart ache along the way for her. Of course you don't know if she will believe you but I'd tell her any way and let her decide.

Why did he pick you? It is simple you were "there", you were available, he saw/sees you as weak. You are NOT weak. I have seen how strong you are. I see what you have over come in the time you have been here. It takes a very strong courageous woman to make it through that. You are strong and courageous whether you chose to believe it or not. There are many women here who know you and will tell you the same thing.

Love Mommy Brenda