Pap Test=Hell(long)..poss. trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2008
Pap Test=Hell(long)..poss. trigger
10
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 1:16am

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, I stumbled across this board a few days ago, which I am SO glad I found. I've felt pretty alone in this..my family doesn't believe me and the only person who did (my Mom) passed away when I was 13 (I'm now 18). I was raped by my best friend's brother (who was 16..) when I was 6years old. I've only ever been to one therapist because of my experience and that wasn't until last year. I never really managed to tell her the whole story or get all of my feelings out, that's just too hard to do in one hour sessions every two weeks.. I felt like I was telling an acquaintance my most personal secret rather than someone I could trust. I'm sure I'll eventually be comfortable enough with you all on here to tell the rest of the story..theres so much to it :(.
But I really need help at the moment. I've only ever had one pap test before it was both mentally and physically excruciating for me..I was in more physical pain than I can ever remember being in and I ended up having a full blown panic attack in the middle of the procedure..to which the doctor doing it didn't stop (I was begging between sobs) although she did attempt to calm me down verbally apologizing for the pain but nothing else. After it was over I was shaking so bad it took me almost 15minutes to get dressed and I was bleeding pretty heavily (is that normal?) the bleeding continued for almost 3days, like a short period. My family doctor (not the one who did the test, that was at an S/A Clinic, I was sent there by my family doctor though) She is now trying to force me into going for another pap test by withholding my b/c pills until I get another one. Can anyone say blackmail?!..I am beyond mad about that. I haven't had sex in over 2 months, my boyfriend and I agreed to stop because of how much emotional trauma it puts me through (I have flashbacks quite often during sex..). The reason I started on the pill was to regulate my periods and that is again the only reason I want them for. Any help would be greatly appreciated..I don't know what to do! :(

Thanks,

-Caitlin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 8:02am

(((((((((((Caitlin)))))))))))


Unfortunately, your doctor is sorta in the rights about the bc pills and no pap. If you are, or have been, sexually active, and you have, the pap test is important to have.


Please call the rape crisis number in your area. Tell them that your DR wants you to have a pap and that you need to find a DR who is most knowledgeable about rape victims.


If, after a year, you haven't told your therapist the whole story...ask for an extended session so you can.


Please stick around here, we care.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 8:22pm

Hello,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 2:03am

I am sorry about your horrible experience with the pap last time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2008
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 6:56pm

Just wanted to thank all of you for the help, I'm definitely going to be staying on this board. It's nice to not feel like I'm being judged anymore =). Hope everyone had a Happy New Year.

I am going to talk to my doctor about this when my holiday from college is done (I'm 2 1/2 hours away from home at the moment) I hope she'll understand, or at least try to and send me somewhere that may be a bit more supportive of my feelings *crosses fingers*
Thanks again.

-Caitlin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 5:59pm
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Hi Caitlin, welcome to the board.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 11:17am

Hi Cait,


I replied to you at the gyn board, but I'm glad to see you're here. ((hugs)) I hope you've gotten some good advice. Paps are so scary to sa survivors. I still dread when I go, and I've even made milestones (after several years).


Take care


Alisa


Alisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 6:44pm

Thanks for the welcome, I do plan to stick around, don't feel quite as alone in this anymore. To answer your question, yes I do have a lot of pain when having sex with my boyfriend (I only do it for him..as bad as that sounds). I don't know if its because I'm tense without trying to be or what, I get really spaced out, kind of like an out of body experience, and really panicky sometimes.

-Cait

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 11:47pm
Cait,
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2008
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 3:30pm

I talked to my boyfriend a few days ago about my feelings/fears etc and he was very supportive, upset that I hadn't told him before..but supportive :). We've agreed that we're going to take things really slow, pretty much start over with physical stuff as if we just started dating (his idea, I'm very impressed, and happy about it). I hope this will help me calm down and be able to relax more.

I'm going to try to get up the guts to have an exam done eventually. The thought of it makes me shaky and I don't want to push myself too far (I've done that in the past with other things and it never goes well..)

Thank you all so much for the help and support.

-Caitlin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 4:06pm
Cait, you have a wonderful guy there.