in a bad place

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
in a bad place
4
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 7:27pm

Hi to all I am new here. I am going to start out saying I myself was molested by my father at an early age of about 4. I remember quite vividly waking up and finding him performing oral sex on me. I only wish I could forget. I kept this to myself until I was in the sixth grade when it finally all came spilling out after I finally told a friend. She got me to tell my mom. (My parents were not together) I have spent so many years hiding from what this has done to me trying to cope it just totally messes with your head as a child.

I married at age 21 to a wonderful supportive husband I told him of the abuse and he has been great. shortly after our marriage we started TTC it took more then four years and in that time I became more and more depressed. I wanted a child desperately and with the problems in my past, I finally went to the OB. I found out we had some infertility issues which pretty much was the trigger and sent me over the edge. I couldn't hold my feeling in any longer and it all came out I couldn't keep it in anymore I finally had to deal with the abuse and face it straight on it was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with I found myself near a nervous breakdown. I started seeing a therapist finally to deal with the issues I so terribly hard was trying to forget. Which leads me to today after much struggling my husband and I conceived a beautiful son who will be turning 8 in Feb. Recent i found out while his friend was over he suggested to my son they show each other there parts and my son being curious said ok. Then this friend said if you lick mine ill lick yours. My son said why? his friend said its ok not a big deal my sister and I do it all the time. This all came out because my son said to my niece yesterday show me yours and ill show you mine she is 5 yrs old. I wasn't there at the time my husband told me all this when i got home last night after getting groceries. I was in total shock and felt like id throw up i tried to calm myself and came to talk to my son It has been a terrible few days. He is ok it turns out he was just being curious and seems to not be affected by this as i feared, he would be like me, he wasn't violated though it was a voluntary curiosity on his part. I called the parents and had them bring the son over and we all talked about this and it turns out he had a similar occurrence at another friends house they knew of and thought had been taken care of with them looking at naked magazines etc. My son came home today though and told me his friend had said also that his sister and he lick each other there all the time after there parents go to bed. I knew only as of last night that his friend and his sister were showing each other and as did there mother. Do I let this go or should I approach the parents again and tell them this? My husband says let them take care of it they will get to the bottom of it but with the way I was not wanting anyone to know and hiding it for so long will these children confess it all or will it continue I am just sick about this whole situation and lost for what to do. I go tomorrow to see my therapist about this I usually only go every 6 months but am feeling very much in need of some help right now.

Thanks for reading and I would appreciate any input

- Tressa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: hrtease2
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 9:04pm
Photobucket

Welcome Tressa,
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: hrtease2
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 10:39pm
Brenda thank you I agree I also told my husband you just know. I agree kids will be curious but not to the point of licking each others privates and thinking its ok. Yes it was my sons friend who was at another friends home and those two boys I guess were looking at the naked magazines and then went on to lick one another. From what my son has told me tonight after more discussion his friend has not only done this with his sister and the other boy but also with his cousin, I'm sickened by it all and angered my son has been drug into it Its my worst nightmare come true. I also found out hours ago my son initiated this( showing and licking) with two children i babysit for that are in his class. He offered for them to try it since his pal had said he did it with his sister and it wasn't a big deal. I asked him why would you do that if you knew it was wrong? He said mom I didn't know it was wrong is it bad? I said yes honey it is. He said he was afraid to tell me last night because I was crying it brought so much back and he didn't want me to cry any more or be more upset.I am so afraid of approaching this all the wrong way but I know I need to tell the children parents. (The ones I baby sit for are twins boy & girl) There a good family and also thank me for taking such good care of there children and now this has happened in my home I'm just Lost in it all..................
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
In reply to: hrtease2
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 10:46pm

My gut says to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: hrtease2
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 12:51am
I didn't know it was wrong If you didn't tell him when he first brought it up that it was wrong then no he didn't know it was.